


Where Do We Go From Here

by crimsinsky



Series: Where Do We Go From Here? [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Depression, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 29,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9231233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsinsky/pseuds/crimsinsky
Summary: At the end of Angel s5 we saw our heroes run into the fray, but what if they had some unexpected help from The Slayer. Rather the former slayer. Buffy no longer the only Slayer is lost in a world that doesn’t necessarily need her. Can she recover, will she accept help from those who love her? Where does this leave her relationship with Spike?





	1. Fade In

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place immediately post Angel/Not Fade Away. All characters (minus a couple I’ve made up) belong to the great and powerful Whedon and Mutant Enemy. 
> 
> This was my first ever fic posted on Elysian Fields for a few years now. This is finished but I'm doing a slight re-edit, unfortunately, the software messed up a lot of punctuation in chapters 1-7 but I think I fixed everything (Probably not).

 

“Okay, you take the 30,000 on the left...” Gun said clasping his bleeding side.

“You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best.” Illyria stated bluntly.

“Then let's make it memorable” giving her a weak smirk as he tried to stay standing.

 

Spike turned toward Angel “And in terms of a plan?”

“We fight.”

“Bit more specific.”

"Well personally... I kinda want to slay the dragon.” He paused watching the demons continuing their assault.

“Let’s go to work.” Lifting his long sword and running into the fray.

The demons charged. The little group was still greatly outnumbered and outsized.

Spike muttered under his breath “Great stupid Poof.”

“Mind if I play?” Spike vaguely heard the voice but was preoccupied with a smaller demon to recognize it.

Occasionally catching glimpses of demon after demon falling to the ground. A rush of bodies stormed the battlefield helping the warrior on their side. Maybe just maybe we have a chance now, he thought.

When the alley filled with a blindingly bright light he could only cover his eyes. The world seemed to still and quiet in a moment. With the light receding, he could see every demon was gone.

“What the bloody hell was that?”

“Spike?”

“Yeah.” He had been too distracted by the fact he wasn’t about to be killed to notice the other players on the field. Until now. It’s her.

“Oh my god, Spike. You’re alive.”

“Buffy.” He whispered. They stood a few feet apart, staring into each other's eyes unmoving.

“Hey, you came for our party.” Angle chided Buffy trying to break the silence.

Bloody Hell man, Spike thought none too pleased with the interruption of her focus.

“What? Uh yeah, heard you could use a hand. I’m always up for an apocalypse.”

She keeps staring at me, not him. Spike keenly aware of her.

“Anyone hurt? We should get back to the hotel we’ve got enough room for everyone.”

“He will not make the trip,” Illyria stated nodding in Gunn‘s direction.

“Xander help me.” A weakened Willow went to Gunn placing her hand on his forehead. She muttered something under her breath and his wounds diminished.

“Is that everyone?” Buffy called out.

No one answered, “Then let’s get out of here.” Angel said leading the way.

********

Stunned.

Buffy could not even begin to fathom this night. Spike. He’s alive. A distant memory of Xander standing in Giles’ old apartment faded into her thoughts. “How? What? How?” Buffy smiled to herself at the bittersweet moment from about four years ago when she found herself momentarily engaged to Spike and strangely happier than she had been since Angel. Four years. A lifetime ago. So much had happened since then. So much loss. Tara. Anya.

Spike.

Buffy kept to her thoughts to process what was going on as quickly as possible.

Spike is alive. How?

I love Spike. Does he still love me?

What do we do now?

Facts only brought more questions none of which she could answer now. But someone knows about Spike’s reappearance. And I will get answers.

********

All the living staff of Angel Investigations and the Scooby’s filled the lobby of the Hyperion. Each group sticking to a side of the room, the only one not choosing a side and lurking in the shadows of the office was the resident bleach blond vampire. This was not going to be a pleasant chat.

Buffy was flanked by Xander, an energy depleted Willow, and Andrew.

“So what brought you guys to town?”

“Giles and Willow are friends of a coven,” giving a nod to the red headed witch resting on the couch. “They saw something big going down. So we hopped a plane and here we are.”

“What was with that light? Not that I’m complaining, but shouldn’t the two vamps be dead along with the demons.” Gunn broke in.

Willow straightened up a little, “Yes, but I modified the spell not to harm anyone who was on the good side. I asked the coven to put a protection spell over all of you until we could get this sorted out.”

Annoyed by the interruption at his conversation with Buffy, he interrupted the pair speaking. “You didn’t call. Some warning would have been good.”

“You don’t want to start with me on who didn’t call whom.” The tiny blonde’s voice clearly marked with a tone warning of her struggle to control her anger, a struggle which was not on Angel’s side.

Deciding it was in his best interest to drop it, as he could feel the tension and fury coming off of Buffy. “So you said we need to talk. What can I help you with?”

Buffy raised an eyebrow and Angel knew a little too late that this was not the right thing to say to the obviously furious slayer. “Oh, I don’t know. How about you and Spike tell me about what the hell he’s doing here?” Pointing to the office but her angry eyes never leaving Angel’s. “That would be nice to know. Since he died a year ago, imagine that I am a bit surprised that he’s standing over there.”

“Okay about that-Spike get out here.”

The blond sneered at being ordered. “I am not your servant or crony to be summoned.” He took a cautious step into the main area of the room. Noticing for the first time a few of the group who were not there. His face grew strained in a look of horror he tried to cover but couldn’t.

“Spike, what is it?” Buffy’s demeanor towards him softer and less volatile than it had been towards Angel.

“Bit. Did- I mean… What happened at the Hellmouth?”

“Oh God. NO! No Dawn’s in London. She’s in school and I didn’t want to drag her away for this when she probably wouldn’t be able to do much.” Pausing at his obvious relief. “We lost some of the girls, and Anya, and you. But I guess not you. Robin was hurt pretty badly but he’s alive. He and Faith ended up in Ohio at the new Hellmouth.”

“Now,” turning back towards Angel with the anger back in full force. “What happened after the Hellmouth?”

“The amulet-“

“The one you gave me.”

“Yeah, well I got it in the mail one day and then Spike just reappeared. There was a spell so he couldn’t leave the building, then he could leave and we had this apocalypse and he stayed to help or die really.”

“But that was months ago.” Andrew’s meager voice chimed in.

“What do you mean? Andrew.”

“Well ah, when uh I was here for the crazy slayer, well Spike was here.”

“How long after Sunnydale did Spike reappear as you put it?”

“I don’t really remember exactly.”

Illyria offered the information. “From my memory of the other’s life, it was less than one month’s time.”

Buffy turned to Illyria “Thank you.” She stared at the ground for a minute, then standing up “Angel. Office NOW!” She stormed towards the room.

“Buffy I am not the one you’re angry with.”

“At the moment you are.”She paused before continuing to the office.

“You better go, man. If you make her wait no telling how much worse it’s going to be.” Gunn offered honestly.

The dark vampire followed after her, not looking forward to being locked in a room with a vengeful slayer. Even if she was his ex.

That may not work in my favor tonight. She slammed the door behind him.

“Hell hath no fury. Thank god I’m not one of you three losers.” Gunn laughed.

“Come again? She’s mad at him.” Spike said.

“Only at the moment. When she’s done tearing into him who do you think she’s going to go after next? You probably for not calling and little pipsqueak there for knowing and not saying.”

You are so buggered, mate. Thinking it best not to press his luck Spike started upstairs to avoid what confrontation may come to him. Not that she can’t bloody well find you in here if she wants too. “If she wants too. That’s the whole point isn’t it?”

“Spike.” Willow’s soft voice halting his escape.

“Yeah Red.”

Joining him on the stairs. “It’s probably not my place but Buffy-she’s had a really hard time since you,” pausing to think over her words. “Since you disappeared. For what it’s worth, we’ve all missed you being around.”

“All?”

“Okay not so much Xander, but me, Buffy, Dawn. It wasn’t the same without you.”

Immediately she went back to her seat.

Spike wasn’t sure what that was about. Doesn’t matter, he decided. Yet he knew it did.


	2. Wandering

“How could you not tell me he was alive?” Buffy was seething.

Angel did not want to have this conversation, “Well, first of all, he isn’t, and he wasn’t always… well, corporeal.”

“Angel I have been on a plane for an entire day. I am not interested in word games. What are you talking about?”

“When he first appeared here. He was a ghost.”

“A vampire ghost?” A very slight mocking in her voice.

“Hey, it’s true. We weren’t even sure he wouldn’t disappear at some point which he was doing quite often.”

“And when he didn’t why didn’t you call me?”

“He didn’t want you to know. Why are you getting so upset about this you love him? He said casually.”

When Buffy didn’t respond he looked her over carefully.

“You do. You love him.” With a tenderness to his voice. “Wait, you love him. Are you kidding me?”

“Angel stop. I do. I love him.”

“Unbelievable. Why him?”

“I can’t explain it exactly. But in the past few years, he was there for me when no one else could be. In ways that no one else was. He sacrificed his life or unlife I guess so that I could live. I wasn’t planning for it to happen but it happened and then he was gone.” She took a breath to calm her voice.

“I am furious with you for not telling me, you should have regardless of what he said because it was fair to me, but you didn’t. Look you were my first love. I’ll always love you in a way, but it’s different with him. I’m not seventeen anymore. I’ve died twice, I’ve lost people I care about. Spike is by no means perfect. We had major issues but in the end, when it was important he did what he almost always does.”

“What is that?”

“He put me first.” She said softly, her voice tinged with sadness.

After a long pause “So what about those cookies?”

“Still not done.”

********

She had been drained after the conversation with Angel and had major jet lag. Finding her vampire gone she decided it could wait a little longer until she was rested and thinking clearer. After giving Andrew a promise that they would be having a conversation in the morning, she went to bed. Unfortunately, once there she slept fitfully and gave up at four in the morning.

“Might as well greet the morning” she grumbled, “while it kicks you in the head.” She put on sweat pants and a less baggy top and went down to the kitchen for some coffee and food.

********

Spike couldn’t rest. Couldn’t even hide. He just wanted to go back to her. Even if she stakes me I need to look at her. Not that I think she would. Though he had not entirely convinced himself.

He had sat in the attic staring out at the LA sky for hours without realizing it. He looked at the hall clock as he walked down the stairs. It’s late or early, guess I have to wait till morning to know my fate. He wandered the house knowing that she had long gone to sleep. Until he felt the familiar vibes alerting him that a slayer was around. His slayer. You can hide like a wanker or go and face the music.

When it came to slayers, Spike was always one to dance.

“All the kiddies tucked away then love.”

She shouldn’t have been surprised to see him standing there, but in a hotel with two vampires and a demigod or whatever she was, Buffy’s spidey senses were hazy on specific locals.

“Yes, where did you disappear too?

“Amulet. Weren’t you paying attention?”

“I mean after we came back to the hotel.”

“Well, decided to give the very pissed off slayer a little breathing room before she found me.”

“You think I would do that?”

“Not stake me necessarily, but I wasn’t up to hearing what you might have been saying then.”

“Will you sit down? I want to talk to you, not scream or fight just talk.”

He sat down beside her silently.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come back. Don’t you think I would have?”

He paused to gather the words “When we said goodbye- I thought maybe we should leave it at that.” His voice barely above a whisper.

“But we didn’t.”

“Didn’t what pet?”

“We didn’t say goodbye. I told you I loved you and left.”

“I guess we said all we needed to say then.” He was straining to control his quivering voice.

“No, we didn’t. I never thought you wouldn’t be there when we won. You asked me the night before what we were but I didn’t know. I couldn’t think about it with the weight of the world on me and everyone I cared about in danger.

But I thought I would get the chance to figure it out and then you were gone, and you shouldn’t have been.” She gasped for air through her tears trying to finish before he could leave. “I meant it. When I said I loved you I meant it.”

“And Now?”

“I still mean it.”

“Buffy.” His voice, barely above a whisper. He cradled her face in his hands. “God I’ve missed you.” He leans in to kiss her. Their lips almost brushing against the others. A clank jolted them apart as Andrew came stumbling into the kitchen.

With vampire reflexes, Spike had Andrew pinned to the wall by the throat. “I will kill you, soul or not if you don’t get out of here right now.”

“Buffy wouldn’t let you do that.” His shaky little voice whined.

Buffy stood behind Spike “You’d be surprised what I would let him do to you right now Andrew. I think he told you to get out.”

He bolted back through the door the direction that he had just come from.

“Timing has never been our strong suit.”

“Yeah well it’s overrated.” He reached our grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards him. Instead of the kiss she was expecting, hoping for; he simply held her to his body, tucking her head beneath his chin.

He felt her tears soak through his shirt. “I never thought I’d see you again” she sobbed.

“Here I am. With you.” There was awe in his voice.

When she was cried out Spike let her go, she sat back down in the chair.

“So what are you going to do now the apocalypse is averted once again?”

“Go home, well Giles’ home. He has a property in England, I live in a cottage on the edge of it. I think it was a caretakers house or something.” She waited a moment before making up her mind. “Spike.”

“Hmm?”

“Will you come with me?”

“You want me to come with you?”

“Kind of why I asked. And hey if you start feeling homesick for LA you can just hop a plane and come back. Wait do vampires fly? I mean can you go on planes? And I’m babbling.”

“With his usual cocky smirk “S’alright, nice to hear again. I’m not much for planes but yeah we can. Buffy- what are you trying for? I mean what is this?”

“I’m still figuring it out. I mean I tell a guy I love him then he’s gone then he’s not. I’m not exactly sure, yet. – You want to figure it out with me?”

There was no question “I’m in.”


	3. Questions

“I don’t like this.” Spike was anxious and wide-eyed.

Buffy’s voice hushed “Come on you’ve slept in a coffin.”

“Yeah and if you noticed I don’t generally.” The plane gave a slight jerk “Bloody hell you should have shipped me in the sodding coffin.”

“I could punch you in the face until you pass out would that help?”

She looked down at her hands, not realizing her wrong choice until it was too late. Hadn’t she done just that a couple years before? She felt shame. Shame at her actions and now her words for bringing it up again.

Spike too preoccupied with his fear to notice. “Excuse me, Miss.” Getting the attention of the flight attendant, “you serve alcohol right?”

“Yes, what would you like?”

“All of it.”

Gently laughing at him, “Little nervous. I’ll get you something.” She walked towards the back.

Noticing Buffy’s smile “What the hell are you grinning about?”

“Oh, it’s cute. The Big Bad is scared of planes.”

“I am not cute. And it’s not planes love. Plane crashes, plane engine failure, geese.”

“Don’t worry I’ll be right here to protect you.” She snuggles into his arm with her head resting on his shoulder.

“Okay, this might not be so bad.”

********

Xander had kept his distance from the pair excluding their drive to LAX, though not openly rude. He took Willow and Andrew straight on to England while Buffy and Spike stopped off in Maine postponing their connection until the next evening to keep Spike from resembling the ashes of his cigarettes he was habitually smoking at this point.

Both slept the day away before it was time to get back on the plane. Six and a half long hours later they were in England.

One of the Scoobies had ordered a cab with darkened windows to drive the couple back to the school estate. There was an uneasy silence with the audience their cab driver provided.

Spike was more jittery than usual; finally giving in, he filled the silence with a barely audible conversation. “This is the first time I’ve been home in over a century. You know after I was turned I haven’t been back.”

“I don’t know much about your life.”

“Which one? I’ve had three.”

“Any. I just want to know more about you. Who you were as a human. Where did you grow up? And none of that ‘I’ve always been bad’ crap you told me at the Bronze.”

“Not too keen on some of it. I won’t share that, but I think you can get the picture from when you first met me. Tell you what I’ll show you some night if you can get a car away from the watcher.”

“It’s a date.” Noticing they were edging nearer to the school Buffy leaned forward. “Pull into the garage please it will be easier for you to back out.”

Once their belongings were out of the trunk she handed the cab driver his money and he sped off.

“I’ll need to get Giles to invite you in wait a minute.”

“Where ‘m I supposed to go? Out into the sun and play sands in the wind.”

“Shut up Spike.” He caught the smile on her face as she bounded into the house.

Giles came rushing down.

“Come in Spike. Sorry, I didn’t hear the car pull up. How was the flight?” Addressing Spike.

Buffy shrugged “Fine.”

“What’s with the invite, thought it was a school?” Spike asked.

“It’s used as a school but I purchased it as a house, so it isn’t considered public space. Though you are welcome to come and go at any time.”

They sat in a grand parlor room. Spike had forgotten what English estates were like.

Buffy said, “I’m hungry; I’ll be back in a minute.” Walking into another room.

Giles turned toward Spike with a more serious expression than his usual watcher look.

“Spike I need to say this quickly before she returns so please don’t interrupt me. In the events of last year, Buffy has no longer been The Slayer and she took your death rather hard. She hasn’t been well---Buffy for a while.

She was just starting to come out of it somewhat, not so much until she found out you were alive- she was rather reclusive. She told me a few years ago about your conversations regarding the two slayers you killed.

That they somehow wanted it, they had a death wish. I'm not entirely sure that Buffy didn't as well. I hope your being here will help her. So long as you are not killing you are more than welcome to stay here, use the car in the garage, whatever you like is at your disposal. We can discuss the rest later.” He took several steps away from Spike as Buffy returned with a sandwich.

Being not only allowed but welcomed into this house was a revelation. He would have been oddly pleased, if only he hadn't known the rest. Buffy having a death wish, reclusive. To the extent that Giles was welcoming in the creature he had assisted in the attempt to kill just over a year before meant that this was more than her grieving. She was in danger, at risk of being killed more so than she ever had been. And that he couldn’t let happen.

********

“Where’s Red and the boy?”

“By boy, I’m assuming you mean Xander, they have a flat in town when they are not rounding up potentials.” The door shot open and two girls ran into it. “Can you please conduct yourselves as young adults and not like a herd of wild animals,” Giles shouted.

They slowed continuing through the room until reaching the adjacent door where they took off running again.

Removing and wiping his glasses Giles continued, “Andrew is probably around here somewhere conducting a Masterpiece Theatre of Demons and Slayers.”

“Thought you were grooming him to be a watcher?”

“Not quite. He’s a caretaker for the girls on assignment, we send him off to take care of certain tasks. He has dubbed himself a watcher in training.”

“Spike, where will you be staying?” The question seemed casual enough.

“Hadn't thought about it.”

“You are welcome to stay here there is a rather large basement, no one uses it for anything. It's one of the only rooms without any windows so you'll be perfectly safe there.”

“Thank you, Rupert.”

“I'm going to need a rain check on the whole talking thing I need some sleep. See you both in the morning.”

“Sure pet.”

“Quite. I'll give you a lift I'm heading out as it is.”

Giles took Buffy home leaving Spike alone with his thoughts.


	4. Lost

Not quick enough for Spike. In the short amount of time Giles was gone Spike's mind raced with a million thoughts at once.

Giles came in placing an amber filled bottle on the table with two glasses. “Help yourself.” He said as he poured himself a drink.

“Explain.” As he copied the watcher’s actions.

“Last year you were on all accounts dead. We had no way to know you would actually be capable of – regenerating or whatever it was that happened. At the moment I don't care how, just that you did is important.

Buffy seemed well enough at first. We had lost several people in battle so her behavior appeared natural. Everyone grieves differently. She was at least talking with everyone. Then we relocated. Faith and Robin and a few slayers in Cleveland, all the rest here in England.

The young slayers live here when they are in town, similar to how it was in Sunnydale but now it actually runs like a school.”

Pausing to take some liquid relieve from the glass.

“Buffy didn't want to run things anymore and I couldn’t blame her after everything she's been through. She took up residence in that cottage and then she slowly stopped going out much. Willow and Xander tried to get her involved in one thing or another and nothing worked. She stopped slaying all together, except for a rare occasion.”

“What about Rome?” Spike asked.

“There isn't much activity around here when I got word of some activity in Rome I sent Buffy with a small team to investigate. That's when we all realized it wasn't just that she was tired. She was depressed. Buffy never went out, never fought or patrolled. We had to get a double for her.”

“A double?” Spike questioned.

“Well we needed the slayer to investigate some goings on involving The Immortal and there was a girl same height, blonde. I was just hoping that no one had gotten a good enough look at Buffy to know it wasn't her.”

“It worked pretty well.” Spike snorted.

“I don't understand you.”

“I was in Rome saw her in a club. Not close enough to tell but from a distance, it sure looked like her.” Spike sighed looking into his own glass.

“I'm sorry for that. I'll not ask why you didn’t contact her. It's not important now. The team with her brought her back here and we put her into excessive therapy sessions but she took rather a long time to start responding to it. She is working on her issues with guidance from a counselor we hired here for the girls. Someone who has some knowledge of the magical world.”

“It seems that everything finally took a toll on her that broke her. I'm hoping it didn't but at this point it's hard to tell.” Giles sat removing his glasses.

“What do you mean by everything?”

“Some of it has to do with things from years ago. Though I've only got vague insight into what she's feeling, she seems more disconnected than she did after she came back from the dead.”

Something just wasn’t right. “She seems fine.”

“That is not the Buffy that's been around here. As I said she started to recover before she went to LA, but it was more of not just sitting alone all of the time.”

“Andrew didn’t say when he was in LA.”

“He wasn’t aware of the full situation. She was only consulted for some tasks and since it was dealing with Angel- maybe I should have known when she told him to go against Angel’s wishes. She's never done that before.”

“Why did you send her to LA if she’s so bad off?”

“That wasn’t my idea. She offered to go. Honestly, I was torn about letting her go. On one hand, it seemed good that she had taken an interest in something. On the other, I was afraid that she may just surrender in a fight. I couldn’t dissuade her but I also couldn’t anticipate that she would fight.”

“She fought, just like always”

“I’m glad of that.”

“So what am I supposed to do to magically fix her?”

“Not fix, help.”

“I realize you have no desire to be in this house especially given my involvement with Robin’s attempt to kill you last year. My only thought was that you were a distraction, a tool for the first to use against us all and taking Buffy’s focus away from the battle ahead. I am very sorry for that. I know words cannot make up for any of that, but I did what I thought was right at the time.”

“So if this doesn’t work, will you think it’s right at that time to try and dust me again Watcher?”

“Only if you are killing. Other than that I don’t expect miracles from you. But if you understood the complete change in her already from the last time she was here you wouldn’t question that she needs you.”

“I’m not killing. Not since the first lost its hold on me. I guess for that I could thank you, wouldn’t have been free of it if the bloke hadn’t tried to kill me. However, I won’t, mainly because he tried to kill me.”

“I’m willing to put things in the past if you are.”

“What do you expect me to do?”

“I don't know precisely. Your presence seems to have done a great deal already. I'm hoping with her working through some of what's been plaguing her and your assistance she'll- I'd like to say get back to normal but I don’t think that's possible. I suppose just- bring her back to life.”


	5. Bits and Pieces

Spike barely slept what little he did was plagued by dreams of Buffy giving up in a fight, allowing herself to be defeated.

Finally giving up on sleep he got up to figure out something to help her. He had no idea where to begin.

Spike wandered the first floor. It consisted of the parlor, an industrial sized kitchen, and a library. It wasn’t what Giles would have cared for in his personal library but there were tables set up in one corner for students to study at, computers in a row, even a magazine rack for the girls to flip through. He sat at one of the computers. It was as good a place to start as any without having Buffy near him. He looked up maps of the area, finding places to go nearby. Maybe if he could get her out of that house she would realize that she needed to be out there again. Living.

Printing off his pages of directions he just started walking outside. First checking out the garage and the car he was promised access too.

He was not impressed.

A tan Morris Marina with a brown hardtop, it screamed tweed and glasses. Spike had never seen one of these cars in person. At this moment he wished he never had.

For Buffy, he had suffered humiliations before, but he drew the line at driving this – this thing. He would find some other wheels somehow; Buffy probably wouldn’t like you picking her up in a stolen car. He glanced around the garage seeing if there was anything of interest. Maybe some knickknack he could pawn to get a down payment on something better.

Despite the darkness, there was a faint glitter of something red in the corner buried beneath years of storage junk. Spike tossed things aside carelessly until he found the object beneath.

A bike, not just any.

A Bonneville.

The leather was aged but soft, not torn or cracking and the body was in pristine condition. Be it luck or an owner who obviously didn’t care what happened to this bike, the keys were still in it. Using his vampire strength he lifted the bike out of the debris out to the yard. Hoping against hope that it would start when he turned the key.

The engine revved.

Now this will do.

********

Afraid he’d wake her up if he drove up on the bike Spike left his newfound prize in the safety of the garage and walked down the road to Buffy’s cottage. If the walls were thin enough he could just listen to her heartbeat as she slept, make sure she was alright. Then maybe he could get some sleep.

As he walked it was apparent that a light was on inside.

Carefully he knocked on the door.

She opened it without looking. Her strength would protect her from anything human or not if it wanted to hurt her.

Buffy stood wide eyed staring at her surprise visitor. “Spike. Hi.”

“Hey was just out, saw-”

“Come in.” she interrupted.

Stepping inside, “I uh found a bike in the garage.”

“Congratulations. You came by at,” looking at the clock, “two in the morning to tell me you found a bike.”

“No. I came by because there’s the road and I was taking a walk and you’re awake.”

She smiled at him.

“Look I was wondering if you want to go for a ride tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“You’ll need a helmet. Don’t know if there are any places round here.”

“I’ll get one. Besides if there isn’t a shop in this town I can go over one. I’ve got all daylight to find one.”

“So what are you doing up?”

“I came home exhausted fell asleep immediately, and super slayer sleeping skills I woke up at midnight and I couldn’t sleep. I thought about calling Dawn to let her know about you but I don’t know what she’s doing at school and if she’s sleeping it would make me feel bad about calling her late.”

“It’ll keep till morning.”

“But she’ll kill me if she knows I didn’t call her immediately. So if she asks we got on a

the plane immediately after the battle and flew in and couldn’t call.”

“You know she’s not going to buy that.”

“Yeah, too many days in between but I’m hoping she’ll just be too happy to care or notice the timeline.”

“How is she?”

“She’s dealing, pretty well actually. She got into a school it’s not too far from here. Even has a boyfriend.”

“What?”

“He’s okay. Kind of stuffy but I’ll take that over evil demon raisers.”

“Huh?”

“Oh yeah, you weren’t around for that part. You know Ethan Raine the guy that turned Giles into a Fyarl demon?”

“Yeah, I totaled Giles car and had the police chasin after us.” Wearing a nostalgic grin.

“Well, he and Giles were part of this group that ended up raising a demon back in the day.”

“Rupert?”

“Yep. So over that, I’ll take the cute little geek. He’s nice and polite. I’m sure mom would have liked him.”

“She liked everyone.”

“No, she didn’t. Oh if you had been there when she found out about Angel- not even the vampire part of it. It didn’t help that I told her we dated and he wouldn’t leave me alone. Then Angelus comes up to her and tells her that we slept together. I wish I had killed him sooner.”

“You know if you had we never would have started working together.”

She gave a small smile “It’s kind of ironic.”

“What is?”

 “Well me loving a vampire with a soul who couldn’t love me without it. Then the vampire without one falls for me then goes and gets himself one for the hell of it.”

“Wasn’t for the hell of it. It was for you. Look now may not be a good time to bring this up but I need to get it off my chest. That night-the bathroom. I didn’t realize…”

 

She looked at the floor.

“It’s not an excuse but Vamps don’t exactly have a conscience. We usually know right from wrong but not always. Sometimes we just don’t care but that night… I should have stopped. I should have stopped without you having to throw me across the room. Too bloody stupid to notice it wasn’t one of your games. I’m sorry. That’s why I went to get my soul. Because I had hurt you. I needed to become as close to a man that could deserve you. I’ll never be worthy of you. But I at least had to try.”

“Don’t ever do something like that again.”

“Never.”

“Okay. It was a long time ago. I don’t want to talk about it again okay.”

“Fine.” Steering the conversation back to a more enjoyable topic. “So how far away is Bit?”

“About half an hour away. Why?”

“Just thinking.” He said, “You think if I just showed up on her boyfriends’ doorstep and vamp out she’d stake me?”

“She might just do that. She is awfully scary you know.”

“That I do. How you gonna tell her bout me.”

“I don’t really know I thought I should call and have her come by this weekend, but I want her to know immediately, but then I don’t want to throw her off her studies if she’s got tests or papers to do.”

“You could call and ask if she has any work and if not we could go over and see her.”

“We could do that. I’ll let you know in the morning what she’s doing. We can go from there.”

“Okay.”

“You want to stay for a while and watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

They sat on the couch watching some comedies until sunrise threatened Spike’s ability to leave. He went back to the school happily. Buffy thought about asking him to stay. She loved him, but she wasn’t ready for that. Not quite yet.


	6. Puzzles

The next morning Giles knocked on Spike’s door.

“May I ask you something?”

“Just did. What do you want to know?”

“When Buffy confronted Angel how was her demeanor? Towards everyone in the room I mean.”

"She didn’t speak to the Scoobies in front of me cept Andrew. He, she threatened to threaten. With Angel, she was downright pissed at him, not that I minded but it was strange.”

“Willow told me as much I just wanted to confirm that she did indeed go against Angel. But what about with you?”

“She was- quiet I guess. Why you asking?”

“I had hoped that this mood change was a spell of some sort. That at least I can deal with.”

“And-”

“It appears not. I’ve tried an incantation on her that would reveal any magic around her but I was hoping that maybe I missed it. However, her shift from Angel to you is more promising than outright anger or timidity towards everyone.”

“Last night we were talking she was talking about way back when Angelus was upon us and said she wished she’d have killed him sooner.”

“I suppose we all do.” There was a distance to his voice. “Do you need anything today? There’s blood upstairs.”

“No. Wait yeah is there a motorcycle shop in town?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

********

Buffy practically skipped into the room holding her new black helmet with pink detailing with a worn Giles following.

“Ready to go love?"

"Uh huh. But I think I should go in first when we get there and tell Dawn, you know break it to her so she doesn’t flip.”

“Whatever you say.” Swinging his leg over the seat.

“Where is your helmet?” She asked innocently.

“Don’t need one.”

“If I do so do you. I don’t know what happens to a vamp if the hit there head but I’m not taking any chances.”

“Well I don’t have one here so I can’t bloody well wear something I don’t have now can I?”

“Oh, not true. Giles.” She beamed at him.

Giles followed pulling another black helmet from the shopping bag.

The vamp glared at the former watcher.

“You try telling her not to do something she has every intention of doing and see if you can still look at me like that.”

“Come one Dawn’s waiting.” Her voice full of fraudulent innocence.

“Bloody hell. Give it here,” cramming the helmet onto his head and tying the straps. “Are you happy now?”

“Yep.” She got on the back and they were off.

The tired watcher stood in the doorway and watched them drive into the night, with a genuine smile on his face.

********

They pulled up in front of Dawn’s apartment in record time. “Leave the helmet on until you come inside I don’t want her to see you from the window until I explain everything,” Buffy ordered.

After about five minutes, Spike getting rather bored and hot under the helmet decided to go just inside the doorway to take off the helmet in safety. Just as he pulled it off someone rushed him from the building slamming into him nearly knocking him to his feet.

The girl held onto him for dear life. Tears streaming down her face. “You came back to us.”

“Yes, Dawn.”

She pulled away from him tilting her head to the side. “Dawn? What about Bit or Niblet?”

“Didn’t think a grown college girl would want to be called some pet name she’s had her whole life.”

“You thought wrong, got it!” Poking him in the chest.

“Yeah, Bit.”

“Better.” She lunged back around his neck crying until the tears were gone.

********

Hours later Dawn had promised to visit as soon as she could, assuring them they could visit just to call first. Leaving Buffy and Spike to ride away into the peaceful night.

Buffy never understood the thrill of riding until now there was nothing but freedom. The world melted away and there was only the road and Spike. He left her on her doorstep. For the first time in a long time, Buffy felt…Happy.

********

The next morning Buffy woke up in a state. It was just like before. She felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out again. She really just wanted to die. As miserable as she was, she felt something was off. Last night she had been happy. Not over the moon with the world but a contented kind of happy. There was no reason to feel like this.

Spike. Need Spike.

She called him. “‘Lo Pet. What’s up?”

On the verge of tears, “I feel strange. I feel horrible. I need you.”

Jumping off the bed “can you come here? If it were Sunnydale I’d go by sewers but there’s nothing here.”

“I-I don't know.”

“Get the watcher there in a minute. Just hold on.”

The 10 minutes it took Giles to get to Buffy and bring her back were the most agonizing of Spike’s life second only to the hell he felt when she had actually died. He wanted to go with Giles but the time couldn’t be wasted. Instead, he stayed on the phone with her until the watcher got her in the car. He felt useless.

When she walked in shakily on her own into Spike's arms she fell to the ground in sobs.

“I don’t know what's wrong. I was fine last night but now-”

“It's all right.” He held her as she fell apart. When the sobs subsided a little he lifted her and took her to his basement. The last thing she needed now was an audience of teenage girls watching her fall to bits.

He sat down on the bed with her cradled in his lap, arms wrapped desperately around his neck.

Giles did not follow for several minutes.

“Spike she said she was fine last night?”

“Yeah. We saw Bit, she had a good cry, took a ride and all was fine.”

“Buffy I will need to do a spell it will only scan to see if there is any magic affecting you. Spike you'll need to stand behind me.” Unwillingly the vampire rested her on the bed and Buffy curled up into a ball.

“Nothing again.”

“Giles there is something really not right. Not just depressed. It's way more.” He looked at the woman he had loved for years tiny and helpless looking. This was not right. At her worst moments, she had never been like this.

“I'm inclined to agree but without an indication of what it is I have no idea where to begin. Maybe I should call Mrs. Roberts in.”

“Who's that?”

“The counselor here.”

“She give out pills?”

“In some cases yes. Why do you ask?”

“Just something familiar about this. Buffy.” He knelt beside her. “Buffy look at me.” She found his eyes. “Do you trust me, love?”

“Yes.” she replied weakly.

“This will hurt a bit but I'm not going to hurt you okay.”

She nodded.

He picked her back up and held her again. He slipped into game face and carefully broke the skin on her index finger with his teeth. As he took in the slightest taste of blood he had to restrain from pushing away from her, being the movement would have dropped her to the floor.

“What is it?” Giles questioned.

“Not magic exactly, it's a drug. Mood altering.”

“I'm not taking anything. They told me I should but I wouldn’t.” She sniffed.

“It's high-level stuff, not what you would usually get from a shrink. More like what sanitariums use to dope you up and keep you quiet. You miss one dosage and it all goes to hell.”

“I'm not going to ask how you know that. But what do you mean it all goes to hell?”

“If you have crazy or violent patients, they’re all calm and sedate they skip a dose and then they get really violent. If you tweak the dosage right or miss them instead of sedate you get well- crazy, depressed, paranoid goes on.”

Giles leaning down near her “Buffy are you sure you're not taking anything? No one would blame you.”

“Nothing. Check the house.”

“Could be in her food,” Spike added.

“I doubt that she was away for a couple days and-” Giles' face whitened.

“And that's when you said she seemed like she was better.”

“Good lord.”

“Buffy what have you eaten or drank today? Or last night.”

“It probably be any time yesterday or the day before, takes a while to kick in.”

“Just lunch here. Dinner on the road. Nothing today.”

“I just don’t understand it.” Giles shook his head.

“Somebody wants her out of commission,” Spike said solemnly.

“But why? If she were the only slayer it would make sense, but she’s one of hundreds now. What makes her a special target?”

“Probably personal. But there’s someone here doing it carefully otherwise they’d all be acting like this.”

“Spike.” A tiny voice brought him back to her.

“It’s okay love, just got to wear itself out and you’ll be fine.”

Tears rolled down her face.

“Hey now, no need for that. We’ll take care of you. I’m right here.”

“Why? Why would someone do this to me? What did I do?”

“Probably nothing. But they can’t hurt you now, just got to get through the bad bit, then it will all be over.”

“No, it’s never over. Never. It never stops.”

The vampire had no words, nothing could comfort her in her state. He could only be there to watch her suffer.

“What now?” Giles spoke up.

“Like I said it ’ill work itself out of her system probably be fine tomorrow. Problem is the after. If whoever is givin her the meds is putting it in the food it’s probably not safe for

her here.”

“We will need to get her out of here.”

“Right. I doubt anyone would try anything today, we can wait it out here then I’ll take her somewhere tonight.”

“Where will you go?”

“Don’t know, but that cottage is too close.”

“We can figure out something by tonight, be back to check on her later.”

“Fine.”

As Giles ascended the stairs he turned to watch his once strong and able slayer curled up and shaking like a frightened child. He also saw the look of fearful adoring from the vampire as he failed to comfort her.

The creature that had tried to kill her then fallen in love with her. He would never have trusted Spike with her before, but somehow the desperation of the situation called for it.

Locking the door to his study behind him he laid his head on the desk and allowed a few tears for his surrogate daughter.


	7. Glimmers

The blonde pair was ready to leave at midnight. Giles had prepared several things for their departure. Money, clothing, even placing a few cloaking spells on them in case the culprit should be watching for them to leave.

Buffy had composed herself somewhat. She was drained and overwhelmed but no longer hysterical.

They had a strict schedule of when to report back and update him on Buffy’s condition and they were off on the bike.

For safeties sake Spike decided to pick a direction and drive until he felt far enough away from the danger and pick a place to stay, not letting anyone know exactly where they were. He did call Dawn before leaving, saying they were just going to deal with a problem and not to go back to the school until they returned.

After pausing every hour for Buffy to stretch out he could tell she wasn’t up for much more. The next town he drove through he would stop.

The next town happened to be a smaller edge of town surrounding London. He knew it well many years before, but not recognizing it in the century that had brought many changes to it.

He found them a decent hotel where they could hide out for a while. She was crawling into the bed as he settled himself into a chair.

“No.” She said calmly.

“What’s the matter pet?” She hadn’t spoken much that day.

“You can’t sleep in the chair.”

“I can, it’s not a problem.”

“Spike.” There was an irritation in her voice that made him glad to hear it. “Come on,” she flipped the blankets down on the other side of the bed. “Just like before. Please.”

He was fully prepared to fight her on this, that she needed to rest alone. Until she said it. Please. With the tiny voice, he wasn’t used to hearing from her. The ‘please’ got him.

“All right Slayer move it.”

“Not Slayer anymore. Just plain Buffy.”

“You have never, and never will be plain anything.”

He pulled her to his chest and she clung to him desperately. In moments she was overcome with exhaustion and was asleep. Spike watched over her until after dawn when he too fell asleep.

Had it been under different circumstances he would have been as close to heaven as he would ever get. Now it made him sick that he had to comfort her because she was yet again in danger. A danger he couldn’t trace. He couldn’t lose her again. It wasn’t an option.

***********

It took a few days for the drugs to work its way out of her system. She changed from depressed to vengeful. She was fuming.

Spike couldn’t help but smile at her, which made her angrier.

“What? What are you smiling at?”

“Well for one you seem like your back to you. For another, you better watch what you come up with to threaten whoever did this to you. Might get a gig workin for D'Hoffryn, pretty creative you are.”

“Shut up Spike.” He smiled more at that.

“Don’t want to push you but I am sick of looking at this room. Let’s say we get out of here for a bit?”

“That sounds nice. Where to?”

“Don’t know. If there’s anything here we’ll find it if not just a walk then.”

She grabbed her coat and they were off.

They walked only a short distance when Spike froze. “What is it?”

He looked at a large old house with newer ones build up along side of it.

“Guess I’m giving you the back story a bit sooner than I intended. You wanted to see

where I lived. Right there. He pointed. Not for long but right before the end. It’s different but still the same somehow.”

“Tell me about it.”

And he did. Mesmerized by the house he hadn’t expected to see, he told her of his mother her sickness, her death, her sweetness and loving nature.

“Joyce always reminded me a bit of her.”

Buffy looked at him. He had poured his heart out to her like no one else ever had. She had only found out about Darla from Angel when she had attacked Buffy. He never did tell her the whole story about Drusilla. But here was Spike bearing his soul merely because she asked him too.

She reached for his hand, as she gave it a little squeeze it brought him back to the now.

“I need a drink, how about you.”

“Not so much, but a bar has people so that will be good.”

Along the way she shivered and he pulled off his duster and put it over her dragging the ground.

“You’ve been in England for how long and you don’t own a warmer coat.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly pack for myself. I do have one.”

“One.” He scoffed. “American.”

Buffy stuck her tongue out at Spike making her look much younger than her twenty-four years.

They found a quiet bar or so they thought.

Spike groaned “A karaoke bar.”

“Whatever. It’s a bar. Plus it’s fun to mock the badness.”

“If that’s what you want well the-” He tilted his head to the side. “Lorne.”

“Spike. Hey, long time no see. You’re not here with Angel are you?” The flamboyant green demon greeted him warmly.

“No left the hell hole of LA for much better company.”

“Well, well, well. Who might you be cupcake and what bad taste you have hooking up with this guy?”

Laughing at the scowl on Spikes face, “I’m Buffy.”

“The mysterious Buffy. I can see why all the vamps in California are in a tizzy over you gorgeous. Let’s have a seat.” They sat in a corner booth away from too many prying eyes.

“Haven’t heard anything from you after that Lindsey incident.”

“Yeah well I was done with Angel after that. Hey, want to humor me and serenade me?”

“No,” Spike said flatly.

“Aw come on Spike,” Buffy chided.

“No, he reads auras or futures if you sing. I don’t want him telling me something I don’t want to hear.”

“Not only if you sing but it helps.” Giving a quick glance at Buffy.

“What about you, want to give it a go?”

“A world of no. I’ve done the song and dance thing before.” She gave a quick glance a Spike before returning to her coke. Their first kiss right after the last song. Right after he saved her. It was all right there. All the signs pointing to him, and I didn’t see them.

“Pity.” Lorne shrugged, finishing off his sea breeze. He winced as a woman mercilessly attacked And I Will Always Love You.

“I think I am going to call it a night. Catch you kids later if you hang around town.” Passing a card to Spike.

“I’ll walk out with you, I need a smoke. You all right for a minute?”

“Just fine.” Buffy forced a smile.

Once outside The Host’s energetic demeanor changed “Hey man. Look your girl there, I can’t tell exactly she’s guarded but she’s working through some things but the only way for her to heal is to get it all out. If she doesn’t the thoughts they’ll consume her.”

Spike terrified and understanding “What do I do?”

“Just get her to talk. If you need anything give me a call, I can help.”

“I’ll do that.”

With a nod, the demon was off towards his apartment.

Buffy was sipping her soda when Spike returned.

“I like him, reminds me a little of Clem.” She smiled

“You hear from him?”

“Once a while back. We should try to get a hold of him.”

“It’s good to see you better.”

“Good to feel better. I just don’t get why what did I do?”

“We’ll work it out, always do. Right now don’t worry about it. We’ll come up with our plan of attack in the morning. I won’t let anything happen to you.” It’s already happened. The voice of doubt in his mind bringing his fears to light. “I _won’t_.”


	8. Surprises

“You think we should call Giles?” Crawling from the bed as she stretched her sleepy limbs.

“You do it. He’ll feel better hearing from you, knowing you’re doing better.”

Arching her eyebrow at the vampire still resting under the blankets. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“And what is that pet?”

“I can call Giles while you lay around, all comfortable in the bed.”

Returning her glare with a smirk. “You got me there love, but hey you are already up.”

“Whatever.” Rolling her eyes as she reached for the phone.

“Best be careful, you’re starting to sound like Dawn.”

The look of a restrained fury filled her eyes, before she returned to the phone call. Spike was glad of those moments when he saw the fire in her. There was hope that maybe she would be the old Buffy again.

Buffy’s voice rattled him from his thoughts, “He wants to talk to both of us.” putting the phone on speaker.

“I think you should return. Since Buffy hasn’t regressed as long as we’re careful you shouldn’t be harmed again.”

_ Shouldn’t _ be, thought Spike. “That’s not a guarantee Watcher.”

“No. I can’t say for certainty that it can’t happen again but we’ll take ever precaution. But I think it’s in your best interest to be nearby when we do uncover who is behind this.”

“I don’t like it. Buffy, what do you think?”

“I don’t know.” Closing her eyes, for the pretense of solitude to think. “Will’s. We can stay at Willow’s. She and Xander are rarely there. We’ll be close by but not at the school.”

“Guess it’s the best bet. What do you say, Watcher?”

He remained silent for a moment, “it seems like our best alternative.”

“Right we’ll be off tonight. Anything else?”

“At the moment no. I need Willow’s assistance involving a solution to the problem but she won’t be returning for a few days.” He paused as if wanting to say something else but unable too. “I will speak with you both tomorrow.”

********

They arrived at Willow’s apartment late that night or early the next morning depending on how you look at it, having passed an uninteresting day. Buffy used her key and crept in, not wanting to startle Xander awake. Coming back to the main room “He’s not here. Come in Spike.”

He held his hand up pushing against the invisible barrier. “Sorry love guess having access doesn’t entitle you to send out an invite.”

“I figured but I had to give it a shot. We didn’t plan too well for this, what are you going to do?”

“Guessing I’ll just wait with you till five or so, then take off to beat the sun back home and come back when it’s dark again.”

“I wish you didn’t have too.”

“Don’t want to but I can’t really just sit in the hallway all day now can I?” His voice teasingly soft.

“Am I interrupting something?” A voice from down the hall startled them both. Xander stood frozen in place waiting for his explanation, though none came. “O-kay, so Buff what’s going on?”

“There’s an issue at the school and I can’t go back there yet. I thought I could stay here but I can’t invite Spike in.”

“What’s the matter?”

“I can’t say out here.”

“Fine,” passing Spike as he walked to the door. “Come in Spike.” The words were kind if heavy hearted.

That’s not right, Spike thought. No fight, no evil dead. It made him more uneasy at receiving such a genuine invitation.

The group sat scattered around the room, the men each with a beer, as Buffy relayed their suspicions about being drugged.

Xander paled as she finished her story. “I can’t believe that. Does Giles know who did this?”

“We’re not sure. He said he needed Willow’s help so I’m guessing he has suspicions.”

“You can stay here as long as you need Buff, you too Spike.”

Buffy replied for the pair. “Thank you, Xander. I’m beat can we finish this in the morning?”

“Sure thing, you take Willow’s room. Spike, you can use the couch or there’s a cot in the back it’s pretty much a closet but there are no windows.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, it’s better than my parent's basement.” Xander chuckled to himself.

The vampire was stunned, which lasted until the light in Willow’s room went out.

Quietly he turned on Xander “Where the bleedin hell am I the Twilight Zone?”

“What do you mean?”

“First the watcher now you. Year ago you wanted to stake me now you’re trying to make me comfortable in your house.”

“It’s for Buffy. It’s what’s better for her.”

“What?”

Xander sighed. “You and I, we’ll never be best buds, but for her, I can deal and be nice. I put up with Angel for years and he killed Mrs. Calendar and I wanted him gone, so I can deal you.”

“Why?”

“It’s one of those things when I say you had to be there. You had too... you didn’t see how bad things got. She’s been our rock for eight years. She’s the leader. Then she wasn’t, it wasn’t the same.”

“She was bad off after Willow brought her back.”

“No, not like that. Two years ago she was in pain but she kept going pretending it was fine. She-she just stopped.”

“So what does that have to do with me?”

“After you died, or didn’t, Buffy told us she was in love with you. She had Willow trying to find a way to bring you back, but she couldn’t. Then I guess she just gave up because she figured you must be somewhere better.”

“When we found you in LA it was like some piece of her clicked back into place. So if you being around can help her, then I’m not going to make her life any harder.”

There was a long pause as the two men finished their beers. Spike really looked at Xander for the first time since the reunion in California. He was thinner than before, a hardened edge in his features. No longer the carefree boy Spike remembered.

Xander got up, breaking the silence just before he left the room. “When she’s better you’re back to captain peroxide, got it, bleach boy?”

“Aye aye captain”

“Oh, that’s original, the call the one-eyed guy a pirate.”

“You started it.”

“Yeah, yeah dead boy.” Xander shut the door behind him.


	9. What’s Eating You?

Spike slept fitfully, without Buffy in his arms to soothe his fears about her he dreamed vicious dreams. 

All ending in the same general way only the process changed. 

Sometimes she willingly lost a fight, others she was merely outnumbered. The worst being her locked in a room alone with a blade and ending it herself. None of the why mattered, though, only the end.

He jerked awake with Buffy’s soft hand on his head, whispering his name. Looking at the clock he’d only slept little more than an hour.

She tried to sooth him into consciousness, “you were having nightmares.”

“I am well aware.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Fine, but come with me,” holding out her hand to him. “I can’t sleep either, and I haven’t had a problem the last few nights with you next to me.”

“Too tired to fight you.” He followed and crawled in beside her. Her head rested on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, clinging to her warmth.

Both were asleep within minutes, not waking till late in the morning.

“Any more dreams?” she asked.

“Only this one,” he squeezed her. “Don’t fancy waking up from it either.”

She pushed away gently and got to her feet. “Well I’m hungry so getting up is a must. Wait here I’ll do a window sweep so you don’t end up smelling like my bacon.”

“Definitely don’t want to be burnt charcoal.”

“Why does everyone act like I can’t cook? I was alone for months in LA and fed myself. And Thanksgiving, I made most of it by myself; and we were being attacked by Indians and nothing burned.”

“You’re right. And I will let you prove it to me by making me breakfast.” The grin on his face was undeniably Spike.

Opening the door, “I may be too offended to attempt it now.”

“Well if you want me too I could make it so you could stop arguing about it.” A very feminine voice chided from the living room.

“Will. What are you doing here?”

“Duh. I live here.”

“But you weren’t supposed to be back for days.”

“Giles called so I rushed back. Seems he needed me to do some hocus pocus and if he’s asking then it must be important.”

“Sorry to kick you out of your own room.”

“I’m not,” Spike replied from the safety of the bedroom, as Buffy glared back at him. “Well, I’m not.”

Willow shrugged uncaringly “I don’t mind. I only got back a little while ago.”

“What did Giles tell you about this?” Buffy asked.

“Xander filled me in on everything before he and Giles went off to get some supplies.”

“Supplies for what?” Spike asked suspiciously.

Willow offered a sympathetic smile knowing Spike’s dislike of magic. “It’s like the spell I did to Buffy after Dawn was kidnapped by Glory. Hopefully, we can track down who did this, and figure out what to do when we find them.”

“Kick its ass.” Spike chimed in.

Buffy was not amused, “And if it’s a human?”

“Leave the room.”

“Spike I’m serious.”

“So am I.” He began pacing as he got angrier. “Do you know what it’s like having your watcher and Scoobies being all nice to me because it might upset you? It’s bloody damned unnerving. How hard it is to watch you fall apart like that. Not even a little bit of you in there.”

He stood looming directly over her. “If it’s a choice between stopping this from happening to you or just sit by and watch someone get away with hurting you for their jollies—I love you. I can’t do that and you can’t ask me too.”

Both the witch and slayer stared back at the vampire. His speech left them frozen in place. They knew he wouldn’t hurt them but he was still a master vampire and an angry one at that. Territorial, passionate, violent and even reckless. More than that he was a man who was more than angry, he was scared. Scared of losing the woman he loved. Two sides of a coin.

Buffy understood him clearly in that moment. _I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn._ Resolved she spoke words Spike never thought she’d say to him. “Just don’t kill them.”

“Fair enough deal. ‘Sides I lived with granddad for a few decades learned a few things about not killing someone.”

“So don’t want to know.” Buffy threw her hands up quickly.

Willow seized the moment “Great that’s settled, who wants breakfast?

********

That evening in the school basement, also known as Spike’s bedroom for the two nights he actually slept there, Giles and Willow made preparations for the spell as Buffy sat inside a circle of powders and herbs. Xander and Spike stayed off to the side out of everyone’s way.

Buffy fidgeted “Explain it to me again.”

“Well, it’s really simple.” Willow gleamed, completely in her element. “We get all trancy and then basically walk around and find who’s doing this to you. It’s like an aura thing for humans. Demons I’m not sure exactly what they’ll look like.”

“Okay get on with it, the waiting is driving me crazy.”

“Almost done.” The witch went back to grinding the remaining herbs needed for the spell.

Spike sensing her extreme nervousness got up from his chair and sat near her on the outside of the circle. “It’s alright love. They’ll suss it out.”

She smiled weakly back at him. “I hope so.”

“Look on the bright side, at least Andrews not here.”

She laughed. Nothing was really funny about the situation but Spike eased her nerves.

“I like to hear that.” He smiled slightly at her.

“Okay, we’re ready. Spike you’ll need to get back.

With the candles lit around them, Giles and Willow chanted in Latin for what seemed like hours before slumping to the ground. Their astral selves left their bodies looking around the room. Xander’s aura was a clear, yet dark blue. They noticed Spike’s and Buffy’s. Seeing no one else in the room they left in pursuit of the transgressor.

They walked the stairs to Mrs. Roberts’ office. She paced the room finishing her nightly tasks. Willow tugged at Giles sleeve pointing to the medicine cabinet. The red hand print over the glass casing was blood red. Mrs. Roberts walked past them locking the cabinet before turning out the lights. Her hands perfectly white.

The pair followed the hallway down to the kitchen finding nothing other than another red handprint on the table. Willow’s hand hovered above it. “Giles it has to be one of the girls, look how small it is.” He nodded.

Moving on to the dormitories, Willow asked, “Do we check all the rooms?”

“I suppose so. You should check the rooms first to prevent any-rather-.”

“Any inappropriate viewage.”

“Put rather crudely, yes.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary, look.” Down the hall a single brass door handle was tinged with blood.

Willow tentatively opened the door. Both girls inside were sleeping. She gingerly turned the one child’s hands up revealing two pale pink hands.

The other girl was wrapped in her blankets. Willow drew a breath as she carefully pulled back the blankets to reveal the girl’s hands. The sight made her gag. Blood. Only an illusion of the spell, but the girl appeared to be drenched in it. Her hands to her elbows were seeping red.

Willow felt herself start to faint before she hit the ground she woke up in her body.

Buffy fidgeted impatiently, “Well?”

Giles righted himself and started wiping his glasses. “We have found our culprit.”


	10. Searching

Spike and Buffy paced as Willow went for the young girl as Giles went to get Mrs. Roberts as a witness. When all were assembled in the basement Giles handed the girl a mug of hot chocolate.

Buffy sat in a corner with Spike’s hands on her shoulders in support as he stood behind her. The rest of the group was sitting much closer to the girl.

He knelt down with the fatherly tone he had grown accustomed to using with Buffy. “Do you know why we brought you here?”

“No. Miss Rosenberg said you needed to talk to me.” In between sips of her hot chocolate.

She was a tiny girl around age ten or eleven, and very scared.

“That’s right. Someone has been putting medicine in Miss Summer’s food. It made her very sick; do you know anything about that?

“No Mr. Giles.” Her eyes not meeting his, she shook nervously.

“Just drink your hot chocolate and relax. No one will hurt you.”

“Watcher.” Giles lifted his eyes to the vampire who was restraining his violent temper rather well.

“Patience Spike.” He returned to the girl. “You’re Madelyn, correct?”

She nodded “Maddie.”

“Alright Maddie, just finish your hot chocolate.”

“Mrs. Roberts, would you sit with her? I’ll be just a moment.” He walked toward Buffy and Spike who stood behind her chair.

Keeping his voice low, Spike instantly pounced on Giles “Is that it, she says no and that’s all you do.”

“No. I told you to have patience; there is nothing we won’t know in a short amount of time. Don’t look with you’re ears.” He placed his hand on the vampires shoulder for a brief moment before going back to the girl.

Spike wanted to argue the point but the phrase struck him as an odd mistake for the prim and proper watcher to make. 

 _Don’t look with your ears._ Then he caught the scent in the air, he recognized the spices on Giles clothes. Though he didn’t like magic, he’d been around it enough to recognize certain spells by smell.

“What is it, Spike?” Buffy asked.

He leaned down to her ear whispering “Truth spell. You’ll get your why and how.”

Looking at Buffy’s still stricken face he gave her a soft kiss on the forehead, knowing it did little to put her at ease.

Giles sensed the threat of a disturbance over went back to Maddie. The entire group was content to let him work on his own.

“All right Maddie I’ll ask you again, do you know who has been drugging Miss Summers?”

She was almost trancelike “Yes.”

“Who was it?”

“Me, I put it in the food.”

“Why did no one else get sick?”

“The medicine had a spell on it, so it would only hurt her.”

“Who did the spell?”

“My brother?”

“Why?” Buffy cried softly from across the room.

“He said she is evil. That she has connections to evil people who do bad things. The vampire.”

Giles continued “What does Spike have to do with it?”

“Not that vampire, the other one in Los Angeles.”

“Do you mean Angel?”

“Yes. He’s evil and she is evil too.”

“Why do you say that?”

“They are killers, my brother told me.”

“Who is your brother, what is his name?”

“Lindsey McDonald.”

Mrs. Roberts chimed in “Maddie you told me you didn’t have any siblings.”

“He found me, he left the orphanage and then he found me.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know, he visits me when I run out of medicine.”

“How does he know when to visit?”

“I call him.”

Giles reached for a notepad “Write down the number.”

When she had done so he turned on the group “Are there any other questions for her?” No one answered. “Alright, I will take her to the infirmary then we shall discuss what to do with her.”

“I can take her.” Mrs. Roberts offered.

“No she is small but still a slayer, I’ll help you, Rupe. We’ll manage her.”

The two men took the girl to the nurse who locked her in a room for the night.

“What do you make of this?” Giles inquired on their way back to his office.

“Sodding mess. She couldn’t lie right?”

“That’s correct.”

“Lindsey McDonald is supposed to be dead.”

“How do you know that?”

“He was this git in LA, tried to kill Angel then supposedly one of the good guys. Turns out he wasn’t and Angel had him killed or rather not it seems.”

“Human?”

“Yeah, for a bit he was telling me he was this guy Dole, Angel used to know had visions.”

“I think we’ll need to speak to Angel about this.”

“Don’t do it in front of Buffy. The bit about Angel having him killed that is.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s going through enough as it is. She doesn’t need her first love being dragged through the mud right now, no matter how much the thought thrills me.”

Giles stared into Spikes blue eyes. He was sincere. Which only made Giles more surprised at this declaration. “I will avoid telling her as long as it’s not important. Not until we get further answers.”

“Just want to say I don’t like hiding it from her but now’s not the time.”

“Understood.” After all this time, Spike is still full of surprises.


	11. Lost

When they returned the Willow and Xander were already trying to devise a plan for Maddie.

“I just don’t know what we can do with her,” Willow stated.

“Can’t we lock her up?” Xander added.

“Until when?”

“Until she’s not dangerous.”

“We don’t know when or if she ever will be Xander. Should we lock her up forever?”

“I don’t know.”

“Children” Giles shouted at the pair. “Please calm down. Now Buffy what do you think?” His tone softened considerably for his surrogate daughter.

She was curled up in a chair looking straight ahead at the bookshelves with her hand covering her mouth. She looked a million miles away. He hadn’t thought she even heard him until she spoke softly.

“Cruciamentum.”

“What’s that?” He barely heard her words.

“The Cruciamentum, when you drugged me it took away all my strength. Can you do that to her indefinitely?”

“Buffy what are you saying?” Willow looked horrified.

“No, listen to me.” She got up and paced the room. “She won’t be doing the test just losing her slayer powers then she’s just a little girl that can’t hurt us.”

  
Xander replied “Except she drugged your food. I think even a regular little girl could do that.”

“But she’d be easier to manage,” Buffy said hopefully.

“The medication is easy enough to get and if there is no adverse effect of using them over a time,” Giles assured her. “It’s not a cure all but it will make her easier to deal with should she become violent.”

“At least she’s not an immediate threat if she get’s out then.” Spike backed Buffy’s decision.

“Now what are we going to do about Lindsey?” Xander piped in.

Giles picked up the paper with the telephone number “Maddie will have to set up a meeting with him and we can apprehend him then.”

“Why not now?” The boy asked.

Giles sat in his chair and removed his glasses, rubbing his temples. “Because she is under a truth spell so she can’t very well lie about needing him to do the spell, can she?”

“Oh.”

“Right, Oh. I think it best if we all got some rest and continued this in the morning.”

The group dispersed. Xander and Willow returning to their apartment Spike and Buffy choosing to stay in the basement to be nearby if something important should happen.

Spike laid there with Buffy in his arms listening to her breathe. He thought she was asleep when he heard her say “Spike.”

“Yes.”

“Promise to tell me the truth about something. The whole truth.”

“I Promise I will if I can.”

“What do you know about Lindsey? You promised.”

“You don’t want to hear it right now.”

“No, but I need to. Please.”

“Don’t make anything easy do you? I just made the watcher promise not to tell you until its necessary and here I go not an hour later blabbing it all to you.” He paused. “You’re not going to like it.”

“That’s okay, just tell me.”

He told her everything from the beginning; he hesitated when he got to the part about Angel’s involvement, but left nothing out.

“I can’t believe he’d do that.” She said quietly.

“Guess he felt he didn’t have a choice.” _I can’t believe I’m defending the poof_.

“There’s always a choice, I chose not too with Ben.”

He squeezed her. “But you are a lot better than the rest of us.”

“What are we going to do about him?”

“We’ll wait like the watcher says and take care of it when we need to. Right now I’ll just focus on you.”

“Spike…. I love you.” He pulled her closer, too stunned to speak.

********

It was only a few days later that Maddie was rendered powerless and called her brother for help.

The trap was easy enough for them to set, the same time and place as usual.

They were just off of the school kitchen.

Willow, Giles, and Spike remained hidden in the trees near the meeting spot stood and waited in the dark. When the figure finally appeared Willow froze him in place until the men could tie him up. They all felt triumphant.  
Until Giles pulled back the man's hood.

This man was not the Lindsey the Spike knew in LA.

“Kid, is this your brother?”

“No.” She cried. “Where is he?”

The man laughed “He’s on to you. Decided it would be better if you didn’t get a hold of him, sent me instead.”

“Why would you come if you knew you’d be captured?”

“Just to give you the message. He’ll be sure to say hello sometime.” The man started convulsing on the ground, gasping for air.

Spike pushed Maddie behind him to block out the view of the dying man. Then all was silent. It was an eerie silence that always accompanies death. Spike picked up the girl and moved faster than her eyes could adjust too, and put her back inside. She never saw the man.

When he returned Giles held a little vile in his hands. “We may be able to identify the poison and locate the seller but it’s something of a long shot.”

“What do we do with him?” Spike nodded towards the body.

“I’ll take care of it.” The older man replied not meeting Spikes eyes. Neither one wanted to be the one to tell Buffy they had failed.


	12. Together Once More

Spike insisted on tasting her food before she ate it.

“I think this is just a ploy to scam my food.”

“Not that rot. It’s purely out of concern for you that I eat that.”

Buffy smiled quickly and faded back into the somber mood she’d been keeping for days, probably weeks.

It felt good when she would tease and make her usual puns but he couldn’t get her to venture far from the school. When they did she was distant and withdrawn.

He couldn’t even get her to spar with him. Now he too was seeing what the Scoobies had seen long before his arrival.

It terrified him.

“What’s troubling you pet?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you are not bloody well fine. Talk to me.”

“I don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Buffy.”

“Spike, please. There’s nothing wrong.”

Willow knocked on the door breaking up the would be argument. “Can I talk to Buffy?”

Spike got up walking towards the stairs. “I’ve got to make a call.”

“What’s up Wills?”

“When we did the walk around spell there’s something I saw that I feel like you should know.” This was timid Willow, the one that came with bad news.

Buffy went on edge. “Okay.”

“You know the aura thing. Well, they can change based on a person’s actions, like you with the being drugged and all the danger, yours is clouded right now. Like- yours is always going to be green but it used to be bright and glowy.”

“Glowy?”

“Like the bridesmaid's dresses.”

“What does that mean?”

“Things are going on that’s making you hurt. You have to let it out or it could get really bad Buffy.”

“I don’t have anything I want to get out.”

“Buffy I’ve been your best friend for years. Please talk to me, or Spike or anyone. Don’t shut us out.”

“I’m not.” She said defiantly.

“Look I don’t want to push you but you isolate yourself sometimes when you don’t have to.”

“I’m FINE!” Buffy snapped.

“Alright.” Willow didn’t want to push it anymore at the moment. “Did Spike tell you what happened the other day with Maddie?”

“That it wasn’t Lindsey, yeah he told me.”

“Not that. It was the way he treated Maddie.”

“What happened?”

“Well, when the guy started shaking he hid her then he took off with her so she wouldn’t see the body. It’s just not the Spike I’m used to.”

Buffy pondered on that for a moment, “Did you see his aura? With the spell.”

“It was gold with little flecks of green, the outside edges were gray.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Well the gold is really good and the green seemed like it would match what yours should be.”

“And the gray.”  
“That’s the weird part. It’s kind of like he was touched by evil.”

“Gee vampire I can’t imagine that.”

“No, like a normal vamp would be really gray or dark but his is only the slightest bit. So it’s literally like a dash of evil, not the whole shebang. He really is different.”

********

Outside Spike called a number on the card Lorne had given him.

“Hey there, golden boy. What’s up?”

“Need to talk to you about a few things.”

“Okay shoot.”

“Won’t have to if you help me. You know Lindsey the bloke you were supposed to off? Well guess what I found out you didn’t and now he’s coming after Buffy.”

“Spike I’m sorry. I-” Lorne was immediately apologetic.

Spike was fairly close to William the Bloody then, “Way I see it you owe her one. You said you’d help her out now you have an incentive to do it. Find a way to get her better that doesn’t involve anybody dying or trials or anything like of the kind and I won’t make you wish you were dead. Call me when you figure something out and make it quick I don’t have a lot of patience.” And hung up.

Lorne held the phone as he pondered what to do.

“This is going to require a lot of favors.”

********

Lorne spent two long days tracking down old cohorts until he found someone who agreed to the terms of no mangling, death, trials, bodily or mental harm of any kind in exchange for a bit of help on his part. He fared better than he expected.

Ever the host, Lorne rented a former supply warehouse close enough to the school for the meeting place. Food and drinks and chairs, even a couple of beds, since he wasn’t sure how long this would really take.

Spike allowed Lorne to plan whatever was going on without telling him the details. His more immediate focus was on Buffy.

He invited Spike, Buffy, and the Scoobies, including Andrew.

All he had to do now was wait and hope it worked.

They arrived shortly after sundown, all dressed eloquently.

“Welcome, Welcome. I am The Host. I’ll be serving as well, the host and bartender tonight. This isn’t up to par with my former club but it does have a nice SoHo feel to it.”

Xander was on edge; while he was perfectly willing to deal with demons as needed he didn’t feel right about hanging with them. _I was a demon for over a thousand years._

He could hear Anya’s words as if she were standing next to him. He looked for her for a brief second. Forgetting for that instant. Shaking his head, _no she’s not here._

Willow asked Spike “What are we doing here?” The group was slowly spacing out around the room.

“All he said was it would help Buffy. Don’t know the what’s or how’s.”

“I can tell you that.” He hopped up on the bar, a magic spot light found him. “I ran in to the lovely couple a few weeks back. Before I get started though I should tell you that I can read auras and there are some things around here that need to be brought out into the light.”

Completely in his element, pausing for effect. “Your lives may depend on it. Especially…hers.” He pointed to Buffy. “I have invited a guest here tonight; he will help you get to the bottom of some of your issues. Though he isn’t the main attraction.”

Uncomfortable at not knowing what the green demon had planned for the night, Spike supplied his usual snarky attitude. “What you do invite Dr. Phil to get us to talk about our childhoods.”

“My guest is a bit older than him.”

“You dig up Freud then? Now that’s something to see.”

“Hold up Spike, the ground rules you can leave right now. Or you stay and you can’t leave until you get your most pressing issues out, and there’s no way you can hide them.”

“Not sure I care for your terms, Mr. Host,” Giles said rather sternly.

“Just Host or Lorne if you’d rather. There is a point to sweeten the deal, no one can harm you here but you also can’t harm others. Not with your fists anyway, but then words do pack more of a punch then fists don’t they?”

“A sanctuary spell,” Giles stated.

“You got it cookie. Now you only have a minute to make up your minds. It’s speak now or hold your peace.”

Willow was shifting nervously, “Giles what should we do?”

“There’s no way anyone involved can be harmed?” Giles asked.

“None at all, as you can see there’s a decent setup and you have space to get away from the action but until all is revealed you will be stuck here.”

“Giles you can’t be serious about staying?” Xander questioned.

“You heard him; our lives are in danger if we don’t stay. Spike said he’s trustworthy, I’ll trust his judgment.”

“Don’t think I’ll get used to that,” Spike muttered.

“What?”

“You trusting anything I say.”

********  
On the other side of the room, Buffy’s arms were crossed over her chest and she stood solemnly looking at the floor. Spike glided his hands from her elbow to shoulders. “You want to leave?”

“I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.” She had become more distant with every passing day.

Lorne spoke up. “This is it people last chance to get out.” No one moved. “Okay but don’t shoot the host if you don’t like the entertainment.”


	13. Sour Notes

“Okay but don’t shoot the host if you don’t like the entertainment.”

He snapped his fingers. The lights went out. A soft thump from a nonexistent bass filled the darkness. The party goers were transfixed on the sound. The sound of footsteps clicking on the hardwood echoed through the room. A man’s deep voice broke through with a soft jazz song.

“ _Hello to all, I’m back again_ ” he snapped his fingers the man’s back was to the crowd.

Excluding Andrew, they all knew who they were dealing with.

 _“Don’t worry now- about this- deal with the devil._  
_You all get out scot free.”_ He turned to face them as he shuffled around the stage that appeared before him.   
_“Only payment I require is to let me see_  
_What secrets you hold, what are you hiding_  
_Are any of them worth dying?_  
_The rules of my game are simple_  
_No one gets out_  
_While there’s any doubt_  
_Now it’s time for you to sing._ ”

No one stirred from their place or sang a note.

“Hmm, well that was anti climactic.” Sweets shrugged.

“I’m not worried, though, you’ll all sing before this night is through.” He waved his hands and a glowing light floated up to a hidden balcony. Sweets settled himself in a plush red chair and waited for the fireworks to begin.

Lorne stepped in to bet the ball rolling “Okay who wants to start?”

“You wanker, you called in Sweets.” Spike spat, “he tried to kill her last time.”

“He can’t do that now, we have a deal. Really he’s just staying around for the show. He could leave now that he cast the spell.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well it’s a little late for that, spell started now you have to work through it all. Who wants a drink while we’re waiting for the music muse to come along?”

“Should have been me,” Xander whispered out.

“What?” Willow questioned.

Xander turned towards the group singing a soft somber tune

“ _It should have been me, she was always kinder._

 _She was the better part of me._  
_Without her what am I?_  
_I should have been the one to die._ ”

It was Willow’s turn  
_“I understand I do,_  
_What the loss can do to you_  
_But Xander you’re a good man_  
_Without her, you’ll survive_  
_She took a stand and died_  
_Don’t let it be a waste.”_

Giles finished the verse  
_“I’ve had my share of loss._  
_My boy and so have you._  
_We’ll get through it now_  
_Just like we always do.”_

Watcher and witch joined together  
_“Together. We are here for you._  
_Together. You’ll make it through._  
_It just takes time._  
_You won't forget._  
_Just give it time,_  
_And together we will make it through.”_

There was an awkward pause between the three. Andrew sobbed. “That was so beautiful.” A nervous laughter came from the three singers.

Buffy remained unmoved through the song but ventured to the far side of the warehouse.

Spike gave her a couple of minutes to process her feelings, if she even knew what they were before he ventured to her side with drinks.

“Feel like serenading me love?”

“Don’t feel much like anything.”

“What. Is. The. Matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Buffy.” _“Talk to me,_  
_I love you more than you could ever know._  
_If I were alive it would kill me to see you like this._  
_You’ve come so far_  
_What turned it around?_  
_Tell me what I can do to help you._  
_Just talk to me.”_

She shook her head violently trying to stop herself but the spell prevented it.   
_“I got everything I ever wanted,_  
_I was a normal girl.”_  
_“Normal.” she scoffed._  
_“I was lost and alone._  
_Drowning and I couldn’t swim._  
_Couldn’t breathe._  
_The world fell apart around me and no one understood._  
_I’ve been in heaven and hell and back again._  
_Saved the world half a dozen times_  
_None of that matters now, I’m not needed._  
_I’m not needed._ "

“Buffy, of course, you’re needed. Maybe the world doesn’t need you as much right now. But those little girls won’t know what to do with out you to guide them. Dawn needs you, your Scoobies need you. I need you. I love you.”

Again shaking her head as tears rolled down her cheek.

 _“You love me but you left me._  
_I needed you the most and you were gone._  
_You had a second chance and you chose to stay away.”_ _Spike_ wiped the tears away.   
The tempo of the song changed to something harder _“And it doesn’t even matter”_  
_“How can you say it doesn’t matter?”_  
Buffy strode through the warehouse singing her rock melody.  
_“It never ends; it just keeps coming at me._  
_When do I get a break?_  
_I want a life_  
_Have a chance without the world falling on my head_  
_I don’t want the ride to end_  
_But just pause along the way._  
_Let me catch my breath for a change._  
_Almost ten years now I’ve been fighting_  
_I died twice for this world_  
_Tore my life apart again and again_  
_When do I get a break?"_  
She flung herself onto a lounge sofa.

Spike was at a loss as he stepped towards her; Giles held up his hand and walked to his slayer, taking her hand.   
_“Dear girl I would stop it if I could_  
_You’ve done so much for this world_  
_It’s not fair to you._  
_But the girl I knew would never back down._  
_Where did she go?_  
_I know you’re hurt._  
_But hiding doesn’t help_  
_You have to live again.”_

Buffy squeezed his hand desperately   
“I don’t know how to start again.”

“ _Just come out into the sun_  
_You’ll see the battles almost won”_

The whole room erupted in song  
_“We are here for you_  
_Don’t fight us we’ll make it through._  
_It just takes time._  
_You won't forget._  
_Just give it time,_  
_And together we will make it through.”_

Songs alternated through the group until tensions were high. Only for Andrew’s rendition of Not the Monkey had most of the group crying tears of laughter.   
Buffy stayed in the lounge with Giles unaffected by the spell for a time until Spike couldn’t keep away from her any longer, and ventured too close.

She rose to her feet and angry tune filling the room. _“You left me to face this all on my own.”_

Spike’s words were soft. _“Didn’t leave you love. Standing right here beside you like I always do.”_

_“You Left me when you didn’t have too. We could have fled. You could have lived. How can you say you loved me when you left.”_

He was drawn into her tense melody, his frustration matching hers. _“I never left you! I died! Brought back to hell on Earth without you. I won’t play this guilt game forever.”_ They began to circle one another, like predator and prey but their audience couldn’t tell who was which. Buffy began another round of their back and fourth. Inching closer as they did.

 _“But you-“/ “Died for you”_  
_“Didn’t fight”/“Fought for you”_  
_“Left me”/ “To save you”_

They stood chest to chest.   
Angry.   
The room Stilled.

The pair stared into the others flaming eyes. Anger and hurt still boiling at the surface. Despite the proximity Spike lunged at Buffy. Their hands meeting as the invisible band played a tango rhythm. They battled for control but moving seamlessly with the music. Breaking apart and coming back together. Their audience transfixed on the pair it wasn’t just a dance. It was a duel.

As they came together once more, Willow could see the change as they both surrendered control, but seemingly knowing what steps the other would take. The anger transformed into a just as intense passion. The longing in both of them coming to the surface.

Willow's only thought was _I hope they remember we’re here because that would be awkwar_ d.

Suddenly they stopped breathless, holding the others intense gaze. Spike nervously let go of her hands, backing away as he brushed back his hair.

Buffy longed for his touch, the closeness of his body deprived from her now.

Lorne sensing the shift in their auras stepped out from behind the bar. “That should be enough for now. You can all go.”

“Not so fast.” Sweets said from his chair.

Spike whirled “You double crossing us?”

“I’m offended. No double cross, well, not that I’m above it. But this is my show and there’s one more song to sing.”

“Who?” Lorne asked.

Sweet’s replied with a sinister smile, “You.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“Deals change. If you didn’t want to sign you should have left.”

“I’ll sing. What are you in the mood for? A little Motown, Rock ballad-” as he spoke the music played a sorrowful number.

 _“All of this. It’s all my fault. I had a job to do.”_ He whispered, “I couldn’t do it.”

_“Lindsey is after you because I couldn’t stop him though I knew I should have. You’re in danger and it’s all my fault. Please forgive me. I never thought he’d do this. I didn’t see it coming. I thought he was changed. And I’m sorry I was wrong.”_

To everyone’s amazement, Buffy stepped forwards sings softly _“It’s all right. What he asked you to do was much too much to ask. He’d done no wrong to you, why should he have had to die._ ”

“Thank you, Buffy.”

She looked up at Sweets “can we go now? I’m tired and all this singing is hell on my voice.”

“Deals a deal, the spell is lifted you can go when you please. You’re all too depressing this time around. Pity no break away pop hits.”

Xander lifted his eyes towards the balcony. “What did you say?”

 _“Goodnight folks, I’ll be seeing you real soon._  
_The shows not over, but my time is fleeting,_  
_Give me a show, while I get to leaving._  
_Come on now, Once more with Feeling.”_

The ball of light floated through the air before disappearing with a round of applause.

“Show off.” Lorne waved his hand at the balcony.

Nervously Xander spoke up. “So anyone feel like singing or is it safe to flee yet?”

“It appears we are safe though just to be safe let us keep the radio in the car off on our way home.”

“Agreed!” Willow nodded furiously. “Buffy you coming?”

“I need a minute, you go on home.”

“Okay. But call if you need anything.”

“I won’t its okay. Or it will be.” Buffy gave a tired but genuine smile.

Willow felt a bit better, thinking she saw a little bit of the old Buffy back in her eyes. She looked to Spike, he nodded knowing the question without the need to hear it.

Voices trailed after them as they walked away.

“That was unpleasant,” Xander said.

“Just thank your lucky stars Angel wasn’t here. Hearing him sing is one of the tortures in the inner circles of hell.”


	14. Love Song

Spike had the bike and could take Buffy home, a truthful albeit flimsy excuse. She was in pain; he could never have left her like that alone.

Keeping his distance, he could see the wheels in her mind spinning.

How desperately he wanted to help her, but this was something she had to work through on her own.

Finally Buffy looked at him.

“Spike, what do I do?” Her pleading voice tore into his heart.

“Buffy, I-” His words turned into one last song.  
_“I want the fire back._  
_That spark behind your eyes_  
_That steel and iron will_  
_The fighter you have always been_  
_If you love me at all let yourself_  
_Let yourself be free_  
_If you cannot for me_  
_Then fight to save yourself_  
_Bring the fire back_

 _You're the greatest woman I have ever known_  
_You are courage and you're strength_  
_See the woman that I see_  
_I'd be your slave forever_  
_Just let me in._  
_Bring the fire back_

 _Fight for you with me_  
_Just let me love you,_  
_Just love yourself enough to fight again._  
_Bring the fire back.”_

Awkwardly he went to the lounge to hide from her eyes. _Damn you Sweets. Look like a poncy little git now_.

He tried to block out thoughts of her, which only made him focus on her more. Every heart beat, every breath echoed through his skull. Her light footsteps pounded through the silent warehouse as she made her way to him.

Buffy stood looking down on Spike, when he finally returned her gaze he was shocked to see the tears welling up in her eyes. Before he could stand she fell into his arms, clinging to the comfort of his embrace. When she finally pulled away she stayed seated on the sofa leaning back against his chest.

Spike whispered into her ear.“You really think I left you?”

“Not entirely, but deep down maybe just a little.”

“I will never leave you. Only way I ever would is if I dust.” He squeezed her shoulder. “But hey last time I did I cam back.”

She snickered at that.

“Talk to me Buffy.”

“I don't know where to start.”

“Try the beginning. Whatever is hurting you let it out.”

Inhaling a deep breath. She told him about her life before being called as a slayer. How her father and mother argued, forcing her to find solace in ice skating where she was free. Merrick dying to protect her, the weeks at the sanitarium shortly after. He interrupted only once laughing “Pike. You mock my name but your boyfriend was named after a fish.”

To which she replied, “Shut up Spike!” before continuing her story.

Buffy told him how deeply her fear ran after she was killed by the master. The guilt of letting Angelus go when she could have stopped it all so early. Every moment of guilt and pain of the last eight years, even how she hated him before he got his soul. How hurt she had been being sucked out of heaven, then her friends ambushing her and kicking her out of her own home right before the final fight. When she finished it was mid morning, leaving them stuck in the warehouse until dusk. Buffy was almost thankful for it because she was too exhausted to move. Leaning back she fell asleep in Spike's arms. He soon followed.

Buffy dreamed. “Damn B you finally got your shit together.”

“Like you're one to talk.” Buffy replied irritated.

“Fair enough, but my pity parties don't last quite as long as yours do B.”

“As much as I'm loving this little visit Faith, why are you here bugging me. I'm tired.”

She smiled “Just a message letting you know you're the slayer again.”

“Did you- I mean are you...?”

“No I'm alive and kicking, punching, screwing.”

“WAY too much information.”

“Oh come on, get that stick out of your ass. Way I hear you used to be into some pretty kinky stuffy yourself.” Faith glanced over the sleeping vampire. “I'd get back on that if I were you. Literally.”

Buffy blushed furiously. _No right to embarrass me in my own dream_ “What do you mean I'm the slayer again?”

“Into every generation, a slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will have the weight of the world on her shoulders- only this time it nearly crushed you. You stopped really being a slayer.”

“So why now am I allowed to be the slayer again.”

“Because now you're pushing back.”

********  
They awoke in the late afternoon; they had hours to kill before sunset.

“Alright, a story for a story,” Buffy said. There was something just a little brighter in the way she spoke.

“Come again.”

“I told you how I became the slayer; tell me how you became a vampire.”

“Dru bit me, I turned, there you have it.”

“Spike. Two-way street here.”

“Fine. Dru found me in an alley. Offered me power and strength, I wanted it. Hurt like hell, though.”

“That you already told me. Why did you want it?”

His gaze dropped to the floor. “I thought I was in love with this girl, prissy bitch she was. Guess that’s my type of woman.” Buffy smacked his chest.

“Actually she was that demon chit that locked us in at your birthday party. I poured my heart out to her and she said I was beneath her. Heartbroken, humiliated I found my self in an alley and there you are.”

Buffy's face paled. _I could never love you_ , _Spike. You're beneath me_. “Oh God. I'm so sorry for what I said at the bronze.”

He simply shrugged it off “You didn't know.”

“But it wasn't true. I was mad that you tried to kiss me.”

“Well, I was beneath you then. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Pissed me off enough, that's why I showed up with that shotgun. I don’t know if I wouldn’t have pulled the trigger if you weren’t crying.”

“Why did you try to kiss me?”

“Felt like it.”

“That’s it? You felt like it.”

“I was in love with you, seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“When-When did you know that you loved me?”

“I knew for sure after soldier boy was in the hospital. Guess I was always interested at times obsessed.”

“Interested?” Smirk playing across her face.

“That first night at the bronze, saw you dancing in those little bits of fabric you called shirts. Could practically taste the power coming off you, it was intoxicating. Minion I set up couldn’t touch you.”

“But you could have beaten me. At the school, if my mom hadn’t had that ax-”

“Well, thank whoever that Joyce was there. You got tougher to beat. Used to send minions out with cameras to watch you taking vamps and demons out.”

“When was that?”

“Little after I strung up the annoyingly anointed one in the sun. Guess a couple weeks after the high school.”

“So you killed him. I always wondered what happened to him.”

“Big Bad love, not paying attention.” He teased.

“Guess I can cross one off my may come back and kill me list.”

“After I got chipped and started in with you white hats, that’s when I realized I wasn’t after the kill. I was after you. Soldier boy knew it all along.”

“Riley, how could he?”

“Only time he was ever truly observant. Not that it wasn’t obvious when he caught me in your house when your mum was in hospital the first time. Was going to throw me out into the sun just for being there.”

“Then I let my mouth run about you buying me drinks. Guess that was the first clue. He knew for sure when you caught him with that slag vampire.”

“Just because you showed me the place.” Buffy frowned. “You really hated him, it could have been just simple revenge.”

“More so because I told him I was in love with you.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Well, when you’ve got a plastic stake sticking out of your chest, you’re not thinking too clearly.”

Buffy stared at him wide eyed. “He staked you?”

He nodded “Hurt like hell too. Then we commiserated about loving the amazing Miss Summers over a drink.”

She thought back to those awful days. “Spike, did you tell Riley about my mom being sick?”

“Well, yeah. Didn’t mean too, just slipped out when I was trying to piss him off. Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I couldn’t talk to him, he’d just want to take over and I couldn’t deal with him too.”

She avoided Spikes gaze. “He really wasn’t who I thought he was.”

Humiliation or her upset? “Ask me something else. Something happy, crazy, whatever.”

A deliriously mischievous smile spread across her face. “What does your hair actually look like?”

They both laughed. Didn’t expect that one. “Light brown, curly.”

“Oh my gosh. I can’t picture it, do you have any pictures?”

“No.”

“Too bad, I’d really have liked to see that.” She ran her fingers through his hair. Trying to break the hold of the gel he was so fond of.

With just that touch, Spike nearly melt.


	15. Bits and Pieces

A few hours later they were both a bit stir crazy.

“How much longer till sunset?” Buffy groaned.

“Don’t have it on a timer, probably another hour or so.”

“I’m so bored of sitting here.”

“I do have an idea of something we could do to pass the time.” Spike began unbuttoning his shirt cuffs.

I can’t believe him. “You’re a pig, Spike.”

Giving her is signature smirk and crook of his eyebrow. “Not what I meant, but if you’re offering-” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “Right then, I thought we could go a round. When’s the last time you were in a good fight? I mean a good one on one battling for life and breath.”

Try as she might she couldn’t remember the last fight she was in other than LA but Willow would have decimated the field without her help. _That’s so not right._

“That’s what I thought. Come on give me a go.”

Buffy walked to a side table, taking off her jewelry. “What’s the stakes?”

“Your hands I guess, don’t feel like getting dusty.”

“No, I mean I’m not fighting for my life, I won’t dust you. What’s the challenge to make it interesting?”

_ I like where this is going. _ “Winner picks anything they want. But the loser can’t know until they’ve lost.” _Will she trust me on those terms?_ He wondered. 

“Could be very interesting.” Spike tossed his shirt on one of the couches. Buffy glanced down the familiar body. Chiseled ab muscles set on his lean muscular frame, the toned arms she knew so capable of destruction yet tender and gentle. The power that radiated from that body made Buffy’s pulse race.

They circled one another. Prowling. Spike threw the first punch; Buffy blocked it pivoting on her feet. Knocking off balance with a kick to his back.

She tried again which let him catch her foot and brought her down to the floor. Buffy flipped back to her feet. Fists flying they continued the rhythmic fight losing focus on the world except for their opponent.

With one misplaced punch Buffy moved a second too closely. Spike knocked her legs out from under her catching her wrists as she fell, pinning her to the ground. His body hovered over hers.

“Say it slayer.”

“You win this round.”

“Round, sorry love. I won you lost. Now you have to abide to whatever humiliating or depraved demand I make.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m rusty that’s all. Tell me what you want.” She said sarcastically.

“I’ll let you know.”

“You didn’t decide already?”

“No, I decided. Just decided you’ll know when I call it in. Make you squirm a little.” The gleam in his eye called to Buffy.

“There will be no squirming.” _God why did I just say that?_

Leering down at her. “Really.”

“Okay, now get off me."

In one quick movement, Spike flipped them over. Buffy took a moment to realize she was straddling his naked torso. His muscled chest and abs resting under her fingers.

Spike waited for her to pull away, only she sat there looking into his eyes. The smoldering blue meeting with the piercing green of hers.

Buffy leaned down to his face whispering. “Tell me what you want.”

Her lips grazed his, parting yet not fully touching. She lowered herself to close the distance between then when the warehouse door slammed open.

********  
With inhuman speed, the pair was up and apart before Lorne could walk behind the bar.   
Spike furiously trying to button his shirt and failing miserably.

Lorne gave them a falsely innocent look. “Am I interrupting something?”

An irritated Spike shouted. “Yeah you were.”

“Spike!” Buffy could feel herself blushing from head to toe as she glared at him.

“What?” He said, feeling entirely devoid of guilt.

Lorne jumped in to ease her discomfort. “Sorry, I thought you two would be long gone by now. Just came to pick up my stuff before the rental house takes the furniture back.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What did Sweets mean when he said see you soon? He’s not coming back is he? Because I’m not up for any more music numbers.”

“No, for you it’s a one time deal. Or I guess a two-time deal. Any who it’s part of the deal I made. He helps me with this without the carnage and I help him set up his night club.”

“Why would you set this up anyway?” She spoke quietly.

“Your boy there. Part of the aura future reading scheme. If you had kept everything inside, all those things would go bad I mean cataclysmic bad.”

“What does that have to do with Spike?”

“I offered to help, he called in the offer. You know he really would do anything for you.”

“Is that your future reading scheme?”

“A little but then again I can see what’s right in front of me.”

********

“What did he mean?” Buffy was still pondering the answer as she sat in her sister’s apartment, having left out certain partially dressed details of the music fest.

Dawn tried to be supportive but burst out laughing.

“Stop it. What is so funny?”

“You’re so stupid, Buffy. I don’t think I should even tell you if you don’t know.”

“Well, I don’t know so fill me in on the joke.”

“Do you love Spike?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I think we all know he loves you. But it’s more than that.”

“Still not getting it.”

Dawn sighed “Guess that’s the problem. Buffy, he worships you. The way he looks at you, how he talks about you when you’re not around. All the crap he’s put up with from everyone over the years, it was for you. Us.” Dawn smiled “He’s not perfect, but he loves you. Everyone can see it if they’re looking.”

“He promised to protect me. After you died he was there when everyone else was off living their lives. He made sure I wasn’t alone. You know when mom died he brought flowers to the house not for you or me, but for Mom.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Xander intercepted and they got into it. I was in your room with the window open I heard them. Spike just left so we wouldn’t get upset about them fighting.”

Buffy thought about so many of the things he’d done for her over the past few years. How he was there for her in the end. How he came back and helped her every day to get through the trauma after Sunnydale.

“I guess I just wasn’t looking hard enough. When’d you get so smart Dawnie?”

“I always have been. Guess when the monks made me from you, they gave me someone else’s brains.”

Buffy beamed her over the head with a throw pillow, to which Dawn retaliated. The two fought until they were both breathlessly laughing on the floor.

“Seriously Buff, if I had a guy that looked at me like Spike looks at you-I wouldn’t let him go.”

“What about Thomas?”

“He’s a nice guy, but – I don’t think it’s going to last. How can I when I see how much   
Spike loves you, and it’s hard to get him to make time for me.”

“You’re both in school; I know it’s hard to fit in a life when you have responsibilities.”

“No, it’s more than that. It’s like we don’t fit together.”

Buffy reached out and squeezed her sister’s hand. “Do whatever makes you happy. If he’s not the guy then go find the right one.”

“I know I should, doesn’t mean it hurts less. I thought I loved him for a while.”

“I get that, and for what good it does, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just one more thing I can blame you for, having a gorgeous guy that worships the ground you walk on.”

“I love you too Dawn.”

********

Buffy was getting dressed in Spike’s basement bedroom where she had slept since the night they had found out Maddie or Lindsey rather had been drugging her.

“Willow and I are going out to lunch, she’s been kind of down since she and Kennedy broke up.”

“What happened with the little brat?”

“She was a little too wild and free for Will, I think she and Faith are pretty much cut from the same cloth.”

“Can’t say I’m not glad she’s gone.”

Buffy smirked coyly “I think Willow’s the only one around here who would disagree with you.”

“Alright so if it’s not the chit what’s bothering you?

Buffy sighed. “How come you can read me like a book?”

“I pay attention, and you have a lousy poker face.”

“Says the man who cheats at kitten poker.”

“Everybody does, and you’re avoiding.”

“Ugh alright. I’m going back to the cottage. Giles checked it and it’s clear of all magic   
and medications.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Ripping the band aid off she spit it out at once.“Ineedtogobackalone.”

“Oh.” He was quiet. Just waiting for her to make a move.

“I just need to do it on my own for a while. See if I can handle it.”

“Course. It will be good for you. Miss you though.” _Know she has to go, not that I want her too._ Spike had grown accustomed to watching her sleep in his arms, even if that’s all they did. He craved her, needed her with him, but he had to let her go. Even if it hurt.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“Never mad at you.”

She scrunched her face up.

“Okay sometimes, but not about this. ‘Sides I’m just a quick phone call away right?”

“Right.” _Wasn’t this what I wanted? Him not fighting me on this. So why does it feel so wrong?_


	16. Magnificence

“You’ve been holding out on me!” Willow bounced in her chair, after hearing the unedited version of the events following the musical night. “Not fair. Best friend law- no keeping juicy gossip.”

“Nothing juicy.”

“Right you almost kiss him and that’s not big.”

“I’ve done more with Spike than that before.”

“It’s different now, though. So what did he say he wanted from the bet?”

“Nothing. He won’t tell me.”

“Knowing Spike it could be weird right?”

“New Topic PLEASE!” Buffy pleaded.

“I tease because I love.” Willow smiled warmly at her best friend. “Buffy I know it’s not all better yet, but are you okay. I mean-”

“Yeah Willow, I think I am.”

********

Spike could hear her heart beat as she struggled to find sleep. Buffy had moved back into the cottage that evening.

Longing filled Spike. Longing to go to her, hold her in his arms, letting them both find a few hours of peace. He knew he could and she wouldn’t turn him away.

What he wanted and what she needed were two different things. So he sat under a tree by the road, so he could be there in case she needed him. But not before.

********

Buffy had slept alone for a couple of weeks and was getting used to sleeping alone. She didn’t like it but she could deal. Every day got a little better. Letting go of everything that had built up inside for years took the weight off of her shoulders.

On weekdays she led the training of the potentials in combat and training. She was putting the pieces of her life back together.

But today there was a need in her that needed to be filled.

She needed a fight.

I’m not in Kansas anymore, haven’t seen one vamp since I got back from LA. Buffy showered, dressed, and headed out to find Giles.

Voices came from the partially opened door of Giles’ study. “I would like you to look into these disturbances.”

“Why me? You’ve go a house full of vampire killing machines.” Spike growled.

“All barely trained, the experienced potentials are off on assignments. For most of the girls, you are the only vampire they’ve seen, not a good mentality for killing when what they are supposed to fight makes them cocoa and reads them bedtime stories.”

“I did it once! Brat was crying I’d do anything to shut her up.”

Buffy could hear the tone he used when he tried to sound like the Big Bad instead of a Big Softie. _I have to remember to tell this to Dawn._

She stomped up the last few steps so they heard her coming before she knocked and went in.

“What’s the what?”

“Apparently I’m going out for the night,” Spike grumbled still offended.

“Can I come or is it a boys’ night?”

Spike was cautiously optimistic “You sure?”

“What is it? Because if it’s slimy or oozy I think I’ll pass.” She scrunched her nose up.

“Either a very destructive vampire or a nest.”

“Should be easy. We’ll check in, in case we get stuck out there. Sun allergy and all.” She tossed her head towards Spike.

“Oi, I’m right here Slayer.”

“I know.” She smiled brightly.

For that, I can bear the mocking.

********

They wandered the little town following their instincts to find the cemetery. Hearing voices they cautioned there approach. Buffy could see five vampires illuminated under the glow of the moonlight.

“Well, what do we have here?” One of the women jumped up from a headstone. “I needed a snack.”

A boy nearby added to the banter. “Didn’t your mommy tell you not to go walking in cemeteries after dark? Especially not these ones.”

Buffy playing up the dumb blonde persona and high pitched voice. “Not that I recall. Why are these cemeteries so special?”

“Because they belong to us.” Another responded.

Buffy let her voice tremble “And who are you?”

The Fang Gang we serve our great mistress. He said it with such defiant conviction. Buffy and Spike nearly collapsed from their laughter.

“Oh my gosh Fang Gang, that’s rich.” Buffy cried.

Spike could barely breathe, despite not needing too. “What self-respecting vamp would- I can’t--” he struggled for air.

“Sounds like something Harmony would come up with.”

“So, you know of our great one?” The boy replied.

A much sobered Buffy responded “Harmony is your great mistress.”

“She was the Scourge of Europe for decades. And you two humans will fall at her feet.”

Spike stood appearing taller than he was, a predatory gleam in his eyes. “Harmony was a half assed moron from California. She’s twenty-three, been a vampire for five years.” Spike vamped out. Buffy was even a little worried by him for a second.

“Now would you like to see what the real Scourge of Europe looks like?” He swept around the fledges holding the boy in the air by the throat, before crushing it until the vampire turned to dust. “Any of you think you can take me. I’m right here. You rather have a go at the human go right ahead.”

Another boy lunged for Buffy, too stupid to see the trap before he became a cloud of dust floating around her.

Spike knocked one fledge out with a single punch.

Buffy toyed with the rest, slamming a kick into one’s chest as she punched the other. It only lasted one round before they dusted. “I wanted more of a fight than that. Why didn’t you stake him?”

“Thought he could help us look up your old school chum.”

Buffy hoisted the vampire to his feet as he came too, pushing him up against a tree.

“Where’s Harmony?”

“I will never betray her magnificence. You’ll have to kill me first.”

Spike stepped behind Buffy, “Not gonna kill you. You know Buffy; there are lots of ways to hurt a vampire without turning him to dust.”

Bantering again with her air head persona “You know Giles never did teach me that? Go on.”

“For example, limbs can be chopped off. Had experience with that one myself, long as you keep the head and the middle together the rest can come off.”

“Isn’t that messy? I’m wearing cute boots.” Buffy whined.

“Yeah, but if you’re looking for a tidier option, breaking bones will work. No mess, painful, itches like the devil while it’s healing up.”

“I’ll try that one first.” Buffy started bending the arm back barely causing any discomfort when he cried out.

“Penthouse on north side of town.”

Grabbing him by the collar, Spike twirled him on his feet. “Lead the way, and if you’re lying I won’t care much about having to clean up a mess.”

********

The vampire was truthful; it didn’t stop Buffy from staking him as soon as she heard the too familiar whiny voice she remembered from high school. The sound made Spike shudder.

A window propped open let them both inside without alerting anyone.

_ Pathetic fledges _ . Spike thought.

  
They peaked in through a slightly open door.

Fifteen vampires sat around a pink thrown where Harmony sat. It was like an evil sorority of pink, feathers and tacky unicorns littering the room.

Only a few roused themselves from the shock as Buffy and Spike burst into the room fists and fangs flying. In moments they stood with dust floating around them with only one bleach blonde vampire before them.

“I didn’t even break a sweat.” Buffy huffed.

“Spikey what are you doing with her?”

_ God that voice. _ Spike cringed. “Seems like dusting you.”

“Blondie Bear you can’t kill me, we meant something to each other.”

“Harm I _did_ kill you. If you hadn’t been wearing that ring you would be dust. I’ll always regret not trying it again when I ripped it off your hand but that’s my burden to live with.”

Buffy huffed. “I’m bored; can we get on with it? You’re done Harmony.”

“Shut up you slayer whore.”

Spike started for Harmony to stake her himself when Buffy’s stake lodged itself in Harmony’s chest. “Sticks and stones, and it looks like words can hurt you but I guess it’s still the stick that ends it.” Buffy quipped.

Harmony’s dust sifted into the air.

Stepping towards the pile of ashes, Spike muttered “Huh.”

Buffy was a little unsure of herself and of Spike at the moment. “Are you upset she’s gone? I mean I know you two were together.”

“No. I just figured when she dusted it’d be a big pile of glitter or rhinestones or something.” Spike shrugged. “Kind of disappointed now.”

She tried to still the twitch, but Buffy failed.

Try as she might, as soon as the corner of her mouth began to twitch Buffy couldn’t stop the laughter from bursting from her lungs.

Had it beat, Spike’s heart would have warmed at the sound of her laughing. He strode up behind her grabbing her around the waist spinning her around till she was dizzy.  
  
Pivoting in his arms, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck planting a deep kiss on his lips. He hungrily returned it. Savoring it, starved for the touch and caress of her tongue. The Pandora’s Box, knowing it would never be enough for him always needing more.

When she pulled away Spike was dazed. “What was that for?”

“I felt like it. You know what else I feel like doing?” She said with a mischievous smile

“Enlighten me.”

“I feel like-” she leaned toward him “running. Tag.” She slapped his chest and took off running for the door before he could regain the focus in his eyes.

Once he did he was after her. He could smell her scent in the air, so he followed. Blocks went by without a sight of her until the scent was gone. No trace of Buffy anywhere. Did something happen? He began to panic.

He only had a second to worry about her when he was knocked to the ground from behind.

“I win!”

“Who taught you to play tag Slayer and where the hell were you?”

She simply smiled and pointed towards the rooftop of the closest building.

“You’re going to pay for that.”

Batting her eyelashes at him, “Am I?” Giving him a peck on the cheek.

_ That’s what I’ve been waiting to see. _ “I’m calling it in.”

“Calling what in?” 

“Our bet, don’t tell me you forgot.” He scoffed. 

“I didn’t forget. What is it?”

“You'll find out on Saturday.”  
  
A déjàvu moment replayed for both of them “What happens on Saturday?”

With a devilish glint in his eyes, “You’ll see... But leave the ax at home.”


	17. All the Right Notes

Buffy walked into the school a few hours early for her whatever with Spike. _Stupid vampire, won't tell me what's going on I have no clue what to dress for._ As it was it took her most of the day to settle on the jeans, boots, and tank top she was wearing.

It was just after sundown and she wanted to get whatever humiliation Spike had planned over with. Walking into the basement she could tell he wasn’t there.

She walked into Giles' study without knocking. “So where's your undead house guest?”

He took off his glasses, “I'm so sorry Buffy, I know you had plans but I needed him to get some information for me. It's rather imperative it be done immediately.”

“What's the big? Shouldn't I have gone too?”

“Yes, but I need the assistance of both of you. I'll need you to go to this address,” he handed her a piece of paper. “I have reason to believe something of great importance is going on there tonight possibly demonic. Molly can drop you off in town, just call if you need a ride home.”

“Cryptic much.”

“I'm sorry Buffy but these things are not always clear. You best hurry before time runs out.”

She rolled her eyes as she walked out, “Got it hurry up into the dangerous unknown. See you for breakfast.”

********

When Buffy got to the address there was a note on the door, along with a garment bag.

_Miss Summers,_  
_I've been expecting you,_  
_there is a private party on the rooftop._  
_Step inside, please dress for the occasion._

“And the night just keeps getting weirder.” Keeping her weapon poised to strike she entered the little dressing room. Holding only a counter, mirror and just enough room to change into the pale blue knee length dress from the bag.

Following the hallway up to the roof, Buffy could feel someone watching her. The arm raised to defend herself, fell when she reached the rooftop.

_ Incredible. _

Dozens of lit candles surrounded the ledges of the building.

The familiar vampire radar was going off; she tossed the stake to the ground.

“Spike, where are you?”

A hand gripped her arm from behind as his mouth caressed her neck. “Slayer,” whispering into her ear. “Glad you could make it to my party.”

“What is all this?”

“Thought I could do something for you. But remember this on your birthday because you're not having a party.”

“Why not?”

“Think about every birthday you've had in Sunnydale.”

“Good point.” Buffy caught sight of a table, lined with candles and food. Buffy turned to comment on the food when her brain stopped functioning. _Spike is in a suit. Wow. Breathe. Close your mouth Buffy._

“You look- really nice Spike.”

“Do clean up rather nice don't I?”

“Definitely.” _Stop blushing, it’s Spike not like you haven’t seen more of him that that._

Music flitted up from the street. “Come on.” Spike held his hand out to her.

Snapping out of her daze, Buffy was memorized by the beautiful music. “What?”

“Dance with me. That’s my stakes.”

“But I don’t know how to dance to this.”

“Good then you’ll let me lead.”

  
She slipped a tentative hand into his, Spike pulling her close. The piercing blue eyes looking to hers, she expected to see pity or caution behind them at what she had become. Weak, frightened, unsure. Instead, she found nothing but deep adoration.

Buffy let herself be guided around the rooftop dance floor, song after song blended into another and she was content to stay wrapped in his arms.

“What’s going on down there?” She nodded to the ground below where the music was coming from.

“Battle of the nerd bands.” 

When the music picked up the pace he dipped her, spun her around until she was dizzy, for the first time in what felt like ever Buffy felt nearly giddy. Like all the bad things washed away for a little while, she was just a girl.

Letting her rest they sat at the table picking at the food. “You keep surprising me.”

“Really? Like what?”

“All of this for one. The dancing, it’s kind of sappy romantic. Actually, I never would have guessed that you could dance except under the influence of a spell.”

“Yeah well you tell anyone I’ll deny it. What else?” He smiled that sexy smile.

It gave Buffy chills. “You’re not bad at picking out clothes. What made you pick this?” Glancing down, her fingers gently pulling at the skirt of the dress.

“Don't you like it?” His voice was almost timid.

“I do, but if I had to imagine you picking out a dress for me it would be black or red. Not this pale blue.”

“Color you were wearing that first night I saw you in the bronze.” He looked down at his plate. 

“You remember what I was wearing.” She was more than a little stunned.

“That little blue tank top. Yeah, I remembered, made quite an impression too.” He smirked at her.

She raised a disbelieving brow “Weren't you oh so in love with Drusilla?”

“Still had eyes. Can't blame a guy.”

A voice came up from the street below. “Last song of the night people. This is our sweethearts dance so ladies if you would choose your partner.”

A mischievous smile formed on Buffy’s face. “Now whoever shall I ask?”

Spike pursed his lips with a partial smirk. “If that’s how you’re going to be-”

“There’s only one person I want to dance with.” She stood holding out her hand expectantly. He took it hesitantly gentle like it would fade away if he grasped it too tightly.

They didn’t say a word only swayed to the music, eyes locking in intensity. Barely hearing the music, they could only feel it.

The spell ended when the music stopped as the announcer said “Good night folks.”

Stepping apart, it was like a piece of her was being torn away. A piece she desperately wanted back.

Spike held out his hand. “Shall we?”

“What about all this?” Waving her arms toward the candles.

“Leave it. I have minions to carry out the more mundane tasks of my evil plans.”

“So don’t want to know.”

The band played some old big band kind of number to usher the people off and Spike started laughing.

“What is so funny? Is there something on my dress?”

“Don’t you know this song, Love?”

It seemed kind of familiar to her but she couldn’t place it. “I don’t think so.”

“Ever watch The Music Man.”

“Oh my God.” Her face fell in exasperated defeat and humor.

“There’s your seventy-six trombones Love.”


	18. Perfect

Buffy threw her jeans on under the dress before hopping on the back of Spike’s bike.

They arrived back at the cottage in no time at all, much to Buffy’s dismay.

Noticing her pout, “What’s the matter, Love?”

“I’m wired now; I don’t think I can sleep.” Pausing for a minute, “would you like to come in for a while?”

“Sure.” Spike was twitchy inside her house. He’d only been invited in the one time and he felt like an intruder.

“Catch.”

Spike turned just quick enough to catch a can of pop heading towards his head. “Don’t you have anything stronger?”

Buffy shrugged. “Sorry, it’s pop or water. You can sit down if you want.”

“Thanks.” _Not bloody likely, what the hell is wrong with me?_

He leaned against the wall and they sat in silence.

Finally Buffy spoke up “You know I don’t think I’m done dancing.”

“Is that right?” He smiled

“Dance with me?”

Forever, he thought. Not trusting his voice he simply nodded.

Buffy smiled as she put a cd in the player. It was a slow but sultry rhythm, Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy firmly but gentle.

The air seemed to thicken as they moved seamlessly, entwined in each other. Buffy’s arm slid down from Spike’s neck to rest on his chest, fingers grazing his lean chiseled body. Her heart racing, as they stopped moving.

Locking eyes with Spike, the man she loved. Both dancers breathed heavily, a few inches separating them. Spike leaned in to kiss her. She pulled on his shirt to bring him closer. Both craving every caress, every touch of the other.

Until Buffy pulled away for desperately needed breath.

_ The way she looks at me, waited forever for that. _ “Buffy.”

“Spike. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“No, I need to hear that you believe me. I love you.”

“I know.”

“Then love me, and let me love you. Not like before.”

She backed away opening the door of her room holding her hand out to him.

He paused for a minute before taking it.

They stood looking into each other's eyes not willing to break away. Buffy traced her fingers along Spike’s cheek.

He leaned down kissing her, running his hands over her shoulders. She in twisted her fingers into the back of his shirt.

They were cautious touches; Spike paused when his hand reached the zipper of her dress. She nodded and he slowly pulled the zipper towards her waist. The sound boomed in the otherwise silent room.

Fabric pooled around her ankles. Spike caressed her back as she started tugging on the buttons of his shirt. Working him free of his shirt she marveled again at the perfection that was Spike’s body.

Her hands ran up and down the muscles, his porcelain skin gleaming in the little bit of light coming into the room.

Buffy pulled on Spike’s belt. They removed the final barriers separating them.

They came together softly and gentle. Loving each other the way they never had before.

Years of pain and fighting. Heartbreaks, abuse, insults. Everything was washed away. The fact that it all happened, only made this more meaningful.

It was a perfect moment.

**********

Buffy woke late in the morning with Spike stroking her hair.

Sleepily she stretched her stiff muscles. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember. Doesn’t say much for me, love.” He teased.

“ _That_ I remember. I meant what happened to the bed?” At some point in their night, her mattress had become level with the floor.

“Not sure exactly when. We must be losing our touch, the house is still standing.”

“Well it’s morning, and you’re stuck here so…”

“So?”

“We could take a shot and see how sturdy these old English homes are.”

He gave her a leering smile and moved toward her when they both heard the door open.

“Buffy you home?”

“Crap, just a second Willow.” “Clothes, clothes, something.” She grabbed a pair of shorts and a button up shirt off the floor not bothering to fasten it just holding it closed around her as she shut the door. “Hey, Willow. Now is not a good time.”

“Oh were you sleeping, Sorry.”

“Among other things,” Buffy mumbled, only Spike could hear it through the door.

“I’ll get out of your hair, Giles just wanted me to drop this off with you, he said you might want to go on assignment.”Handing her a pile of papers “But look it over and let him know.”

“Okay great, will do.”

“Are you okay?”She looked her friend over “You seem a little off.”

“Absolutely. Peachy keen.”

“Something up what is it?” Willow was concerned, she didn’t want her friend tail spinning again.

Buffy huffed. “4205”

“Oh, our code but which one is it? Demon?”

“Why do we even have a code if no one remembers what the damn codes mean?”

“Which word?”

“Fortunatus.”

“Oh, so you got- oh.” Willows face reddened as the image before her connected with the words.

“Buffy.” She preened “Is that Spike’s shirt?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s it doing here?” She teased.

“Making me not naked, now get out.”

“Okay, okay, but I want details.”

“If you don’t leave there won’t be any details.” She whispered gruffly.

“Have fun.” Willow closed the door behind her.

_ I am so going to get that witch, but right now I have a vampire to deal with. _


	19. Birthday Surprise

“Get your butt moving Slayer, we’re going to be late.”

“Just a minute.”

“I don’t have a reflection and it doesn’t take me half as long as you to get ready.”

Buffy yelled from the bathroom “Zip it Mr. I wear all black. I’m coming out anyway.”

His mouth fell open when she appeared.

Blonde hair falling down her back, dressed in a very fitted red dress, with a skirt that floated with every move she made.

Composing himself he bowed to her “your chariot awaits.”

Over the past months, Buffy was a new woman. She went on slaying outings when they came up, making time to visit with her friends and Dawn whenever possible, and even taking an online course at the nearest college, which eventually outed Spike’s hidden poetry secret.

In that same amount of time Spike had managed to get a job a few nights a week as a bouncer at the club they were going to tonight. When Buffy was away on slayer business he didn’t help with he would stay in her cottage; keeping it safe and himself far away from the pitter-patter of little girls running on the floors that was the ceiling of his bedroom.

Tonight was Dawn’s 19th birthday and they were going to celebrate. They had rented out a section of the club. Spike had a large stash of money he vindicated from his time at Wolfram and Heart gave it to Buffy telling her to make it a good birthday for Dawn.

“Spike!” Dawn waved him over the moment she saw him. “Meet my new boyfriend. Be nice and human.” She added none too gently.

Considering the possibility of vamping out in front of the boy was deliciously tempting but the look on Dawn’s face warned him that he might be ended if he did anything.

“This is Lawrence.” She smiled sweetly.

“Pleasure to meet you, sir.” The boy held out his hand.

“Spike, not sir.” He said taking the boy’s hand.

“Dawnie come here.” Buffy and Willow called to her.

“Go on Bit. I won’t bite.” He smiled when she glared at him, but she left to join her sister.

Appraising the boy, he was skinny and tall with dark curly hair. If he had glasses he would have had a striking resemblance to Harry Potter. Lawrence was rather geeky. He reminded Spike so much of himself as William.

“So you think you’re good enough for our Dawn?”

Lawrence replied with his posh refined accent. “Not in the slightest. I know she’s too good for me, but as long as she doesn’t realize it I’m going to do my best to keep her happy.”

He had a backbone. Spike could respect that. “And you don’t care what I think of you?”

“Not really. I’d like your approval because it would make Dawn happy but I don’t need it.”

“From what her sister tells me you treat her better than the last bloke. Keep it that way and we won’t have any problems. You hurt her they will never find the body. Understood?”

“Perfectly. You and Buffy should compare notes.”Lawrence said with a wry smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, her threat was a bit more graphic but yours had the whole menacing overtones.”

“And which was the more frightening?”

“Truthfully hers. She and Dawn get this look when they’re angry. Not one I want directed at me.”

Spike laughed. He understood exactly what look the boy meant. “Come on kid I’ll get you a drink.”

********

Spike spent a round getting to know Lawrence, he found out that besides their mutual love and fear of the Summers’ women they like a lot of the same bands, books, and whiskey. But after a while, Spike went looking for the person who he’d rather be spending the evening with.

Suddenly he was being attacked by a pair of skinny girly arms. Dawn wrapped herself around him and kissed him on the cheek.

“What's that for?”

“One thank you for being nice to my boyfriend.” Now she was openly hugging him.

“Yeah well, I like not waking up on fire.”

“And another thank you for giving me back my sister. And for being my friend. I love you too ya know.”

He whispered into her ear as he hugged her back. “Getting the idea.”

After a moment he let her go and she smiled and bounced off to talk with her friends.

He watched the little girl he grew to love turn into a young woman before his eyes. If his heart could beat it would have broken his chest. He was glad for her new found independent life, but it hurt because she really wasn’t his little bit anymore.

“I know,” Buffy whispered into his ear as she leaned into his back. “Hurts doesn’t it.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Look on the bright side, if that boy does make her unhappy who do you think she’s going to come running too to make it all better? Not me. You can restore her faith in men and make her feel safe and loved. And then you can bite him.”

He frowned “Could I torture him first?”

“When I’m done with him.”

“Fair trade.”

“Here.” A small box slipped into Spike’s hand.

“What’s this?” He said turning to the blonde that occupied almost every one of his thoughts.

“For you.”

“It’s Dawn’s party.”

“Yeah but I wanted you to have this. Besides” she smirked, “you paid for it and it’s not returnable.”

He opened it, pulling out a key.

“Does this have something to do with Dawn?” Asked the confused vampire.

Laughing Buffy answered. “No. It’s for the cottage.”

“Buffy love, I appreciate it but you never lock your door when you leave.”

“It’s not a key, well it is a key but it’s more a symbol than a key, key.”

“Babbling Buffy.”

“I want you to be more in. You’re there enough anyway and now I wouldn’t have to worry about you getting all dusty on your way back to the school in the mornings. Which isn’t why I want you there. It’s just that I love you and like you being close by and we could even get some place bigger if you-”

Spike cut her off covering her mouth with his. When he finally released her, she was dizzy.

“So uh guess that’s a yes. Do you have anything you need to move over to our place?”

“Just my clothes.”

“Oh, you won’t need those.” She smiled mischievously.

_ “Really?” _

********

Spike kept waiting for the shoe to drop.

They were happy. No major danger on the horizon. Lindsey was a problem but hadn’t resurfaced since the incident with the minion at the school.

Spike helped Buffy trained the mini slayers and worked a few nights at the club. With his job and the money, the new council had allocated Buffy for her services they had saved up a significant stash of money if they ever needed it.

Buffy loved him. They had been living together for months with no outrageous fights. It was too perfect.

********

They were on patrol a few towns away from home. Spike mesmerized as he watched her slay a few vampires from a distance. Her hair bouncing as she spun landing blows on her unworthy opponents. She moved with a grace never imagined for fighting. She’d punch and kick with fluid movements until she stood alone in the cemetery. Beautiful. Triumphant.

“Just one Big Bad vampire to go.” She said as she hid her stakes under her clothing moving towards Spike.

“You can try Slayer.” He jumped up from his place bouncing on his heels. “Come on. Give it me good Buffy.”

“Same rules apply?”

“Course love but don’t count on dinner this go round.” They rarely got to spar like this in their habitat. They were used to the years in cemeteries that fighting in the school’s training rooms seemed foreign.

She had him pinned to the ground. “I win again.”

“Did you love?”

He flipped them over pinning her under his weight and she couldn’t move. Holding her arms together Spike stood them up. “How bout a kiss for the victor?”

Buffy glared back at him annoyed at having lost again. Before he could savor his victory a growl came from behind them.

Spike leaped back grabbing the demon; it was doglike but kind of orange gray and much larger. He grabbed it from behind, holding his arms around its neck as it tried to toss him off. Buffy tried to get at the demon but was swatted away, knocked back into a tree. Slowly the struggling subsided and the animal passed out with Spike still holding it around the neck. Spike pulled a knife from his doc martins and slit its throat.

Buffy dusted herself off. “Okay you won the fight and you got the demon. What do you want me to do?” She dreaded the answer.

The last time she won, they had been in the midst of a stupid argument but she was still pissed at him. Spitefully she made Spike have an all-night movie fest with Andrew. She knew this would not be pretty.

********

  
“Marry me.”

  
********

TBC


	20. Choices

_ PREVIOUSLY ON BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER… _

_ Buffy dusted herself off. “Okay you won the fight and you got the demon. What do you want me to do?” She dreaded the answer. _

_ The last time she won, they had been in the midst of a stupid argument but she was still mad at him. Spitefully she made Spike have an all-night movie fest with Andrew. She knew this would not be pretty. _

_ “Marry me.” _

__

********

Spike realized that the shoe didn’t fall. He slammed it on his own face.

********

“And you just stood there?” Willow and Dawn stared at her in disbelief.

She nodded folding her head into her knees. It had been a couple of days since the incident, proposal, whatever you want to call it. Now she pouted and bore her soul to her sister and friends.

“Why, don’t you love him?” Dawn’s tiny little girl voice returned at times like this. When she was frightened everything would go wrong.

“Of course I love him. But married? You saw mom and dad. They loved each other once upon a time.”

Dawn hugged her “Buffy, you and Spike are not them. For one thing, he would never cheat on you.”

“What did he say?” Willows tender voice made Buffy feel even more guilty.

“It’s up to me. Yes. No. Makes no difference to him.”

“You buy that?” Dawn’s voice full of skepticism. Her sister never was great at reading men.

“No. He was upset and didn’t want to show it. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Buffy,” Xander spoke up from the corner he was hiding in of his shared apartment. “What do you want? Don’t think about anyone else. Not us, not your parents, not even what he wants. What do you want? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you do, do you even want to get married? If not that’s okay, but it’s not up to us.”

Buffy sat there staring at a spot on the wall quietly. “I- Oh –God.” She was up and out the door in a blink before they could ask her what happened.

“What do you think?” Willow asked.

Dawn replied, “I really don’t know.”

“I do.” Xander smiled.

********

Buffy ran through the rain using her slayer speed to get from the apartment to their cottage.

To him.

Slamming the door open so forcefully it cracked against the wall. Spike jumped up to his feet only to be pressed back into a wall with a force that nearly cracked his ribs. Buffy’s mouth peppering his face in kisses. Her drenched body clinging to his.

“What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Spike was very confused.

“Yes, I’m saying yes. I wigged majorly, but I want to I want to marry you.” She kissed him again.

He held onto her tightly.

“Ask me again.”

He smiled and whispered “No.”

“What do you mean no?” _He’s changed his mind. It’s your fault for running off_. “Don’t you want to anymore?”

He gave her a tight but genuine smile “Yes I do. But I’m not asking you now.”

“Why not?” The old Buffy insecurities popped back up.

“Supposed to be a happy day right? When I think back on the day that I ask you to marry me and you say yes I want it to be the same day, preferably asking with you answering within a couple minutes of each other. Not me standing in the graveyard with your mouth hanging open catching flies. I’ve been sitting here all day expecting you to come home and throw me out on my ass.”

“I get it. So when are you going to ask me?”

“When I feel like it.” He smirked.

“Just so you know next time, I’ll say yes.”

********

“OH MY God!” Buffy flopped down on Willow’s couch in frustration weeks after the graveyard proposal. “He is driving me crazy.”

This had been the song on repeat Willow had been hearing for weeks. “Hey, you needed time to be sure. So don’t take it out on my couch that Spike wants to have his own way here.”

“I know but I wasn’t sure now I am, and he’s practically dangling it on a stick in front of me like a carrot or whatever you dangle from a stick and that did not sound good. Shutting up now.”

“Look, he is going to ask you again. He probably wants to surprise you and since you sort of know, the element of surprise is toast.”

“I could ask him?” Buffy glancing toward Willow looking for permission.

Willow looked at her friend in shock. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why?” Buffy pouted

“One that temper of his, he’d probably be mad that you stole his thunder and he’s kind of sensitive about stuff. I don’t think he’d like it any better if you asked him. It’s a macho guy thing and I think Spike would resent it.”

“Boys are so fragile.”

“Yep. I say stop obsessing, we have girls’ day like we planned and you relax and forget about it for like a whole minute and it will be all better.”

“Why you’re the genius of the group Willow. Okay, so what’s the movie picks?”

“Uh, we can go get something from Xander’s room.”

“Why? Let me see what you have.”

“No.” Buffy dove and wrestled the stack of DVD boxes from Willow’s hands. Laughing when she saw the titles. “The Princess Bride and Ever After.”

“I just grabbed, wasn’t thinking about it when I got them.”

“That’s okay. Ever After, I never saw Spike as the prince charming type. This one on the other hand…” Holding up the Princess Bride.

Willow chimed in “He is kind of a pirate type isn’t he?” Bothe girls laughed.

********

Willow dropped Buffy off at the cottage hours later after they had sufficiently polished off a container of ice-cream, a tub of popcorn and an assortment of movie theater candies. Buffy resigned herself to letting go and waiting somewhat patiently for Spike to propose again. It didn’t really matter since she had him, he loved her and that was enough for the time being.

She walked into the cottage it was completely silent and dark. She spotted her vampire love asleep on the couch. After the late patrol, they had the night before and the truckload of food she had just consumed she was getting tired too.

_ Not enough room to squeeze in on the couch. _ She thought and headed to the bedroom.

When she opened the door it was full of light. The soft glow of dozens of candles outlined the room. The dark bedspread was covered in white flower petals. Buffy picked a few up letting them float back down to the bedspread.

She turned to go question the sleeping vampire who had snuck in unnoticed behind her.

“Spike-“ She stumbled not realizing he was even in the room.

“Got a question for you Goldilocks.

Buffy You’ve made me feel like a man, not just some monster. I’ve loved you for a good long time now. I’ve fought against you, fought with you, there is no one in this world I love more than you. Say yes and you’ll make me the happiest man on Earth.”

He dropped to his knee pulling out a small box from his back pocket. “Buffy will you marry me.”

She smiled looking into the eyes that shown with such devotion and love. “Yes Spike, Of course, it’s yes.” She fell to the floor circling her arms around his neck kissing him tenderly.

An errant tear slipping from her eye falling on Spike’s cheek. He pulled away from her. “What’s this now?”

“Just happy.”

“You forgot something.”

“Huh?” She was too emotional to realize what he meant before he picked her up and sat her on the bed kneeling beside her on the floor. He picked the little box up off the floor.

He pulled the ring out and took Buffy’s hand sliding the ring on her finger. Buffy suppressed the giggle she felt as his hands trembled slightly. _The Big Bad, Slayer of Slayers, Warrior, Champion nervous._ She knew his strength and power but she also knew the tenderness he was capable of.

She looked at her new ring “It’s perfect.” The stone was set deep into the band, with decorative scroll along the sides. Running her finger over the edges and it wouldn’t snag or get pulled out if she happened to get caught in a slaying emergency while she wore it.

She leaned over and kissed him again, caressing his face with her left hand. In the meantime, her right went to the flower petals on the bed grabbing a bunch then letting them rain down on her fiancée’s head.

“Oi!”

“Well, what did you intend to do with these?” She smiled ash she pulled him up on the bed with her.


	21. Once Again

Spike was trying to get ready for work when he brought up the topic he was somewhat dreading because of the first time they discussed their wedding years ago.

“Suppose you want the whole shebang, big fluffy white dress, catholic mass, all your family and everyone you’ve ever met to be there.”

“I’m not catholic. Wait are you?” Feeling horrible that she didn’t know something so possibly important about her future husband. That felt so weird to imagine _husband_.

“No.” He chuckled.

“And a not to the big fluffy dress. White yes, but that’s not my ideal wedding wear.”

“You still want the afternoon park wedding?”

“No, I like my fiancée with all the parts attached and not fitting in a dirt devil. I thought something simple all my real family is here. We could have it at the school in the back it’s really pretty with the flowers.” Spike turned arching his eyebrow at her. “The flowers are pretty even at night. Dawn’s my maid of honor-”

“Hey, I wanted her for my best man well girl.”

“No, it won’t be even if you have her. You get Xander if you want him, which I was thinking you would since you two are getting along now and Giles. I get Dawn and Willow.”

“You keeping the Summers name?”

“I hadn’t thought about it yet I’ll be Buffy…wait a second. What’s your last name?”

He mumbled.

“What?”

“Pratt. Alright. William Pratt.”

“Buffy Anne Pratt- Buffy Pratt. Okay not bad. Now back to the argument at hand. I want the girls you get the boys.”

“Even if I did take the Whelp it wouldn’t matter for even. Giles walks with you Willow with Xander, Dawn ends up alone.”

“Please Spike, Let me have Dawnie on my side.” She pouted.

“You don’t fight fair.

“Which is why I win.”

Spike nibbled on her protruding lip.

********

“Guess who.” A pair of cold hands attached to a British accent covered Buffy’s eyes.

“My boyfriend. But what are you doing here? My fiancée will be here any minute.”

“He the jealous type Love?”

“Oh very.” She spun in Spike’s arms and held onto him, giving him a quick kiss. “Now go away before everyone sees you.”

“Yes, dear.”

She had called a gathering of the Scoobies at the club to give them the news.

“Buffy, what is going on?” Dawn was anxious. She hadn’t heard from either her sister or her best friend in several days and now the sudden Scooby meeting was only making her more anxious.

“Just sit.” Buffy’s voice was flat and serious. “Now there was a situation and I need to figure out a plan of attack.”

“Giles I asked you to do something for me once before. Now I’m asking you again.” She sat down next to him. “Will you give me away?”

“Give you-”

An ear piercing shriek came from Dawn as she lunged for her sister. “You said yes. You’re really doing it.”

“Breathe. Yes and yes.”

“When? What are you wearing? Who’s your maid of honor?”

“Dawn hold on, it just happened. Giles-”

He was wiping his glasses staring at the floor. Looking up at her, his eyes were brimming with tears. I suppose you’re all grown up.”

“Only a little. I’m still waiting for my answer.” Her voice was so tiny, she was actually afraid he’d say no.

“There wasn’t a question.” He pulled her into a hug.

“You have no idea what a relief that is.”

Dawn took off at a near run only to return dragging the future groom behind her. “Pretty good when the bouncer gets accosted by a girl.”

“Shut up. It’s your break anyway.”

Xander stood and held out his hand. “I hear congratulations are in order.” Spike took it, he was slowly getting used to the attention from the Scoobies. “And sympathies.” He said in a hushed tone. But not hushed enough.

“I heard that.” Snapped Buffy. “What exactly do you mean by sympathies?”

“From here on out we are not dealing with Slayer Buffy. She’s Bridal Buffy and entirely different somewhat crazy being.”

“I will not be crazy.” She looked to her friends for support, she found none.

Willow interjected, “Remember Thanksgiving, before the Native American attack?”

Spike’s face seemed to pale even more than his usual at the realization. _That was just a meal for her friends. What would her wedding day entail?_

“I was just trying to make it nice for everyone.” She smiled sweetly. “But this time I’ll have help.”

“Oh, bugger.”

“Like I said, man. Sympathies.”

********  
Buffy was irritable, more so than the usual bride behaving badly. Everyone was scared to be near her for fear of ruining her _Happy Day_. Spike called a Scooby meeting when she got to the point where she locked him out of the cottage for no reason he could see.

“She’s moodier than I’ve ever seen her and that’s saying something.”

“Buffy won’t even speak to me.” Dawn pouted.

“Okay, so what are we thinking? Bridal Buffy or demon thing.”

You say she’s overtly moody. How so?

“She’s talking crazy about how everyone is trying to ruin her happy day. How we’re plotting against her and evil for sabotaging her wedding.”

“What specific actions has she done against you?”

“Everything must be neat as a pin. I came home yesterday and she’s sitting in the kitchen organizing the fridge putting labels on everything. She’s completely daft the only one she can stand is the wedding planner went from simple to some circus. Soon they’ll be bringing in the clowns.”

“Labels?” Willow mumbled.

“Yeah white little stickers with descriptions on them.”

“No I mean is…. anyone else getting a déjà vu here?”

Xander yelled “Cathy?”

“Cathy.” Willow nodded.

“Who’s Cathy?”

“Her college roommate for a few weeks. Buffy went all crazy obsessive and homicidal.” Xander started.

Giles continued “It turned out Cathy was a demon from another dimension who was sucking away Buffy’s soul so she could stay in this dimension.”

“And how the bloody hell did you stop her?”

“Um,” Xander said. “We didn’t her dad kind of came and took her back.”

“But we can block it; we researched it after the last time it works on a lot of demons. I’m on ingredients.” The witch stood and ran from the room. Spike was on their side but Willow did not want to be in the room with a seriously angry vampire.

“You say she is only accepting of the wedding planner, I think we best go confront her.” Giles stood.

“She’ll be at the cottage with Buffzilla.” Spike growled.

“Buffy’s going to kick your ass when she hears you called her that.” Xander laughed.

“Then nobody had better tell her if they value their own life.”

Willow bounced into the room “Okay got the stuff and the spell, let’s go.”

********

Xander and Spike entered the cottage leaving Willow and Giles to start the spell.

“Ahh the dashing groom.” She had long orange fingernails. Dressed In a too-tight leopard dress with matching shoes, handbag, and fascinator. Holding out her hand towards Xander.

“And this must be the best man. Tulip Rank, wedding planner extraordinaire.” _Sounds like a demon thought Xander._

Willow and Giles soon followed in.

"Ah, this must be your father and maid of honor."

"Oh no I’m the bridesmaid. I’m Willow." She reached out to shake the woman’s hand and grabbed it. Giles tossed a bag of powders and herbs on her as he and Willow recited an incantation. Releasing Willow’s arm the demon flailed and screamed. Buffy became lightheaded and hit the ground, not fully passing out.

The air turned black and a hole sucked Tulip away.

Spike was at Buffy’s side. “Buffy are you alright?”

“Mmm, what happened?

Willow spoke up. “Evil demon, kind of like Cathy. Only instead of sucking your soul away this one sucked your joy away.”

“Seriously, again?” Buffy fumed.

“Seems like Love.” Spike rubbed her back.

“Oh my god, the stuff I said to you guys.” Buffy was horrified. “I’m so sorry. If I baked there would be a never ending supply of cookies.”

“Well let’s call it even for saving the world a few dozen times. Kay.” Xander smiled remembering that post-Cathy Buffy was still hostile for a few days.

“What are we going to do I need help and I don’t think I can hire another planner.”

“Buffy don’t worry about it. I have a break this week I’ll give you a hand okay.” Dawn offered. “You’ll have the best wedding ever; I will personally kick anyone’s butt that tries to mess with it.”

Behind the face of a sweet young woman lurked the voice that could make a master vampire and a slayer both fear for whoever dare cross Dawn Summers.


	22. Going On

“Dawn if this whole Ivy League idea doesn’t pan out you should consider a career as a wedding planner.” Buffy beamed at her little sister.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” She handed her sister the phone.

Buffy spoke into the receiver “Xander you keep an eye on him, he is not to be out of your sight for one minute do you understand. If he disappears I will rip your limbs off and bash your head in with them.”

“Thank you for that very disturbing visual, he’s not going to bolt.”

Giles walked into the room and gave a nod.

Buffy asked “All secure?”

“Yes, the defensive spells are in place. Nothing is going to get through the barrier or happen.”

“Good this is my happy day.”

While they all deeply loved Buffy, they could not wait for this…experience… to be over.

The Scoobies went on ahead of the bride.

“Giles wait.” Buffy pulled his arm holding him back from the rest of the group. “I want to thank you for this. I know Spike isn’t exactly your favorite person, but I want you to know how much it means to me that you’re willing to give me away.”

“Despite his numerous irritating qualities he is a good man and I would not be here if I didn’t think he would take care of you.”

“I don’t need someone to protect me, Giles.”

“No I mean take care of you. When he asked me for- well I knew that he would always do more than just protect you.”

“What did he ask you for?”

“Permission to marry you.”

“He asked your permission.” Buffy was stunned

“It was the thing to do in his time.”

Buffy hugged him.

“Before we go there is one thing I’d like to address.”

He reached his hand into his vest pocket and pulled out a silver chain and pendant. “This belonged to my mother and I would like very much for you to wear it.”

“Of course. I’ll take good care of it.”

“It’s a family heirloom.”

“I’ll get it back to you as soon as the pictures are done.” She smiled as he fastened it around her neck.

“No, my dear. I wish you to keep it.”

“But you said it was a family heirloom.”

“It is. It’s just a small token of what you’ve given me. You have allowed me to love you as a daughter and given me so many happy memories. I love you dearly.”

“I love you too Giles. You’ve been my dad since I was a bratty fifteen-year-old, I just didn’t realize it till I was older. But you’ve been there when I needed you. And when you were gone you were still with me. I love you.”

Giles pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed his eyes. Then giving it to Buffy to do the same. Once they finally calmed down Buffy looped her arm through his.

“You ready to do this?” Buffy caught a quick glimpse of her blond fiancée standing in place but twitching his fingers nervously.

She nodded and the procession started. Dawn caught her in a quick hug and walked out the door into the garden.

Willow and Xander followed.

Giles began to pull her towards the door when she stopped him and gave him one last hug. His English composer all but melted away as he held his surrogate daughter for a brief moment. When she released him she gave a teary smile and held his arm.

It was just after sunset but the sky was still a glowing soft pink and purple, the path was outlined in white flower petals.

To Spike she floated down the aisle, beaming in the radiance of the sunset.

They could go no further. Buffy handed Dawn her bouquet. Giles took her hand from his arm and kissed it before handing it over to Spike. “Take care of her.”

“I’ll do my best.”

 ********

The combination of excitement and sugar made the girls a bit unmanageable.

Buffy overheard Xander chatting with Lorne.

“So Lorne how’s the demon bar coming?”

“It’s a mess. You ever see a demon construction crew? They don’t have unions and my second foreman just left because a Glackmore looked at him funny. The things got 13 eyeballs one of them is always going to be a little off.” He shook his head.  “But then we can’t do anything until Sweet’s figures out what he wants and the contractor draws up the plans. I’ll tell you I got the short end on that deal.”

“You need a new foreman?”

“Yeah, you know any?”

Buffy was happily looking at the people surrounding her they had all come so far in the years since Sunnydale. It was the perfect day. Spike yelled suddenly “Get down.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down forcefully under the table but not enough to hurt her. Before she could ask what kind of demon it was a cupcake hit the tree and landed behind her. Food flew as the girls screams mixed with giggles.

Giles stood bellowing at the girls to restore order and was rewarded with a cupcake beaming him in the face.

Spike looked at Buffy expecting tears or anger at the ruination of her happy day. He found tears but not as he expected. Buffy was laughing uncontrollably, her lungs void of air were causing her to tear and gasp for air. As she calmed herself she got swept up in the intoxicating fun. She reached for the cake sitting at her feet.

“Slayer.” He said with a warning.

She pushed it into Spike’ s face. “Husband.”

 He swiped it off shoving it back into hers making her scream with glee. She caught his hands and pulled him into a kiss. “You want to go and face that mob?” She asked coming up for air.

“Usually I don’t run from a fight, but maybe tonight I’ll make an exception.” He pulled her close to him.  They stayed like that hiding under the table until they heard a familiar shriek and the voices died down.

“All right. That is IT!” Dawn screamed. “Girls, I want every single one of you to pick up your chairs then go inside and clean yourselves up. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you. GO!”

The girls were too frightened of her to question they did as they were told.

Giles put a hand on her shoulder. “However did you manage that?”

“Girl thing. Sometimes if you want to win an argument you just have to be louder.”

“Is it safe to come out yet?” Xander called from underneath a different table.

“Yeah situation contained.” Dawn giggled.

He and Willow climbed out as did Spike and Buffy

“So what started it?” Buffy asked

Dawn recounted the events. “We were going to throw sprinkles instead of rice when you left but one of the girls found it tossed it at another girl, she got mad threw a cupcake and avalanche.”

“We should clean this up.” Buffy sighed.

_ “We _ will but you’re going on your honeymoon. Now. “ Dawn was rather effective at being intimidating.

“Well on that note I guess we should get going.”

Spike picked Buffy up carrying her over the cupcake corpses that stained the ground to the safety of the car. She leaned to get in. “Wait.”

“Really love they’ll be fine.”

“No. Where’s my bouquet?”

“Here.” Willow came running up with the flowers.

“Okay. Single ladies line up and do it fast. I have someplace to be.” She gave her new husband a playful smile.

“Right, hurry it up people.” Spike bellowed

Buffy tossed it overhead and heard the disappointed whines and laughter of the losers. It was one of the best moments of her life seeing Giles so red-faced and uncomfortable as he held the flowers he accidentally caught. Buffy ran back giving him a peck on the cheek and took off hoping into the car. Spike sped away.

It truly was the perfect day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all she wrote, for this part. There is a sequel also finished will be posted in the next day or so called Walking Through the Fire. I hope you liked this and if you did please check that out as well. Love to all my readers.


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